Where Is The Stick To Spare Spoil The Child Mentioned In The Bible
This phrase is most closely associated with Proverbs 13:24. We begin to understand the context more as we read through various translations. The King James translation reads He who saves his rod hates his son: but he who loves him punishes him from time to time. Whereas the New Living Translation says Those who save the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. In any translation, the intention is to discipline our children in the sense of guiding them on the path they should follow. In short, it is instilling in our children what is right from what is wrong.
At the time the scriptures were written, and still today, shepherds used various tools to guide their sheep. They use a cane, or a swindler, and a stick. The crook is the curved stick that you see in drawings of shepherds. When sheep fall into a well or lose sight of their flock, they look down.
The curved end of the crook is used to lift the sheeps head and guide it where it should go.
In the same way, the bar is used to guide the sheep that begin to splinter away from the flock again.
It can also be used defensively to keep sheep safe from predators.
This proverb, like many proverbs and teachings of Jesus, teaches how to use a parable. It does not intend for children to be physically punished as the only means of correction.
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Whoever Spares The Rod Hates Their Children But The One Who Loves Their Children Is Careful To Discipline Them
Many of us have heard the phrase spare the rod, spoil the child based off of Proverbs 13:24. Growing up I believed that this scripture was primarily for spanking children in order to keep them in order. However, after having children of my ownI realized that this scripture is more than just corporal punishment for bad behavior.
The rod refers to the discipline, protection, authority, and power that God as the Good Shepherd gives to His children. As parents, we are compelled to follow His example in order to raise a godly generation to build up the kingdom of God and complicate the plans of our united enemy, Satan.
In order to fulfill these parental obligations, we need to follow the example of the Lords rod which keeps His children in the narrow way of righteousness rather than following the broad road of living destructive lives:
The mantle of parenting is a short season of stewardship that requires the discipline, protection, authority, and power of God.
What Is This Saying
As we have already seen, in the Ancient Near Eastern cultures, including ancient Israel, the father-teacher had to beat the truth into youth in order to force them to learn their lessons. This was even a practice used up until the 1950s in Western societies and is still used in a variety of third world cultures. The idea is that it was better to beat wisdom into the youth than for the youth to die. In the Old Testament, when the son is rebellious to the extent that he ought to receive corporal punishment, then it is incumbent on the father to administer that beating.
William Webb points out this Proverb is saying, Spare the son from a premature death, the ultimate penalty: Stoning severely rebellious teens who violated Gods Law. So, it is far better to beat persistently rebellious youth than for them to violate a law that would require capital punishment.
This verse cannot mean it is imperative a father spank a child in order to to save a child from going to Hell. No other biblical verse or doctrine supports this idea. Further, as believers in Christ know, there is only one way to be rescued from Hell and that is through Christs sacrificial death on the Cross, paying the full price for ones guilt and sins. Saving faith in Jesuss life, work, death, burial, resurrection and ascension is what rescues people, not spanking or even a beating with a rod.
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The Spiritual Battle For Your Marriage
God designed marriage to reflect His love to the world and because of this, the enemy wants to destroy Gods beautiful design. Based on his book, Defending Your Marriage, Dr. Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff share about the reality of spiritual warfare against marriages, and how to combat the enemys lies with the truth of God. Couples will be encouraged that theyre not alone in the fight for a godly marriage and better equipped to be a shining example for the world around them.
But Theres Proverbs 1: 3
In the mouth of the foolish is a twig/shoot of pride but the lips of the wise .
In the mouth of a dupe is a sprig of pride but the lips of the wise guard them .
In the mouth of the foolish is a rod for his back, but the lips of the wise will protect them .
Note: the interpreters are taking liberty to insert some words that are not in the text.
In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride: but the lips of the wise shall preserve them .
A fools mouth lashes out with pride, but the lips of the wise protect them
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Origins Of Spare The Rod Spoil The Child
Contrary to popular belief, the phrase, spare the rod, spoil the child isnt found in Scripture. Its a quote penned by Englishman Samuel Butler back in the 1660s. It was in his poem, Hudibras, that was originally produced in response to the local Puritan faith, something he spoke against often this time in blatant mockery and satire.
Somehow, this particular quote stuck. And while the saying itself isnt biblical, it doesn’t necessarily contradict what the Bible says, either. This is because there are three Hebrew proverbs that do speak to parents not sparing the rod. Its the spoil the child that Butler added for his own purposes.
How Should Parents Apply The Verse Today
With the developments in research surrounding the importance of family bonds and emotional development, a current application of this verse might focus more on development rather than discipline alone. Consequences are necessary, but understanding why there are consequences is what ties it into development. Development encompasses more than just correcting bad behavior. It includes that, but the development mindset would incorporate other important factors such as how our children learn, and what is in them to cultivate.
The World Economic Forum states emotional intelligence will be a top 10 skill necessary for career advancement by 2020. To use the rod in this time is to cultivate awareness in our children. Awareness of their own feelings, as well as what might happen in others given certain situations. You may be thinking this is such a soft thing to say, or that kids these days need a backbone. While I dont disagree with that, consider that the Holy Spirit is a spirit of gentleness and kindness, but also one of directness and purpose. The aim here is not to guide our children to softness but to a holy spirit-driven conscience, a higher awareness of self and others.
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The Comparison Is Between A Wise Son And A Foolish Son
Proverbs 10:13 is one of many verses that compare those who have godly understanding to those with evidence of bad character . These individuals are at the point of demonstrating a character that contradicts Gods moral law and righteous ways. This is not talking about a singular incident but overall behavioral patterns of consistently violating Gods Law . It is not asking about occasional incidents but a pattern of deviance. In other words delinquents or criminals.
a. These are people who take Gods name in vain and behave like unbelievers .
b. Dr. William Webb in Corporal Punishment in the Bible points out that there were up to 160 different violations of the Law that called for corporal punishment. Contrast this with the hundreds or perhaps thousands of ways little children violate their parents rules or preferences. To be consistent with the Old Testament a child would need to be older than twelve and would need to commit a serious offense that required justice to be done. Hence, to make this verse apply to young children violates the meaning of the verse and harms the child.
c. Further, as the scholars who wrote The Child in the Bible point out, there is no biblical warrant or evidence children under twelve were punished.
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Identifying Triggers In Your Marriage
They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lias story, youll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!
What About Proverbs : 13
In the lips of him that hath understanding wisdom is found: but a rod is for the back of him that is void of understanding .
On the lips of the discerning, wisdom is found, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks understanding .
Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod is for the back of one who has no sense .
On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks sense .
In his on Proverbs, the Hebrew scholar Dr. Tremper Longman translates it this way: Wisdom is found on understanding lips, but a rod is for the backs of those lacking heart.
There are similar verses, such as Proverbs 10:20 The words of the godly are like sterling silver the heart of a fool is worthless. So, it is best to compare other verses for a more complete view.
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What About The Rod
a. The rod was often a club made from a young oak tree about one to three feet tall. It had a firm ball on the root, which was very hard. The root ball would be trimmed and made smooth. The young trunk, about one to two inches thick would be cut off between twelve to twenty inches. At the other end of the stick, some would bore a hole through which a leather strap could be looped and tied. This allowed the owner to hang it on the belt or wrap it around ones wrist. The rod was used sometimes as a weapon to defend against lions, wolves, wild dogs, or enemies. Like the whip, it could be used for punishment.
b. The broad use of the word was to demonstrate authority and the imposition of law and punishment. Depending on the context, the rod was often a metaphor for authority and judgment.
c. In the narrow sense of the term, it was a tool that at times, was used for corporal punishment. Punishment was the penal corrective for violating Gods Law . In the Bible, except in a very few instances, punishment is not discipline. Punishment in the Bible has to do with justice in the law of retribution. It could require a harsh beating or it might require a fine or confiscation of property. There is no place in the Bible that calls for punishing a child.
The rod had to do with a matter of justice. The Law had sanctions: blessings for obedience and cursing for disobedience.
This type of punishment with the rod was frequently used on slaves and obvious fools.
When did they use the rod?
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Listen The Lord Is Calling To The City And To Fear Your Name Is Wisdomheed The Rod And The One Who Appointed It
Many people resist the compelling of the Holy Spirit because they dont want to submit to the authority of God over their lives. They are driven by a rebellious and stubborn spirit that will only lead to their demise in this life and the one to come.
Children who are raised to respect the authority of their parents are more likely to deal effectively with other authorities in their lives. The proper and balanced authority from godly parents is rooted in love. Its their unconditional love coupled with a standard of respect and proper behavior that builds a strong foundation that lasts a lifetime. The rod of authority should be established the first time a child attempts to resist following clear instruction from their parents.
Read Luke 4:32, Romans 13:1-6, and Colossians 2:10.
Praying Scripture Over Your Childs Life
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We Cant Dismiss Proverbs 2: 15 Right
The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame .
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother .
A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother .
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother .
Okay But Proverbs 2: 13
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell .
Do not hold back discipline from the child, although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod and rescue his soul from Sheol .
Do not withhold discipline from a child if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death .
Do not withhold discipline from a child if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol .
Dont withhold discipline from young people. If you strike them with a rod they will not die. Strike them with a rod and you will extricate their lives from Sheol .
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Your Rod And Your Staff They Comfort Me
In Psalms 23, the rod and staff are considered comforting. Lets unpack that.
Part of discipline is establishing boundaries, and boundaries are comforting for everyone. Theyre especially comforting to children who are trying to figure out the world and testing limits and authority. Its helpful to think of your parenting role as that of a shepherd, guiding your childrens paths and protecting them.
A shepherd uses his staff to provide small corrections along the way, allowing him to keep his sheep on the path. That model applies to parenting as well. Think about your discipline style. Do you guide and redirect along the way or do you tolerate, tolerate, tolerate and explode? If its the latter, you may want to take a cue from the shepherds.
Providing that comforting correction and encouragement along the way takes time and intentionality, but the payoff is huge. When you provide that correction often and early in life, your children will very likely need much less correction as they mature.
Rarely, a shepherd needs to use his rod to correct or protect his sheep. Its not punishment out of anger, but rather a protective mechanism to keep the sheep from danger. Its correction out of concern and love.
A Closer Look At Spares The Rod / Hates Their Children In Proverbs 1: 24
There are five keywords or phrases I want to point out in this verse. Lets define them so we are all on the same page.
Spare the rod The word for spare in Hebrew means to keep back, withhold, restrain, or halt. The person who is sparing is preventing something from happening. The rod on the other hand was useful in correcting, defending, protecting, guiding, and even punishment. The rod was an instrument that as you can see had many functions. The rod also represented authority for the person who held it. The person who held the rod did not just have the power to use it but the right to as well.
Hates their children Bible translations actually use the word hate vs. spoil, as some are used to hearing the phrase said. I know hate by itself is a strong word but look at what this word can also mean in Hebrew. It can mean abhor, detest, loathe, be hostile, to have a feeling of open hostility and intense dislike.
Loves their children This means to have a strong affection for your child based on the familial relationship.
Is Careful This word means that the action is intentional. It is not done by accident, but they look to do it because of the love for their child.
Discipline This word can mean instruction, punishment, correction, or warning.
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