Closing Thoughts On What The Bible Says About Marriage
Obviously theres much more that could be said about marriage. But I think these 7 lessons help us understand the overview of what the Bible teaches us about marriage.
Again, this is written from a Biblical prospective. If you arent following Jesus theres obviously going to be disagreement, thats okay. Keep wrestling with who He is and what He did. The rest will follow.
If you want to dive a little further into this question, what does the Bible say about marriage? let me offer you some resources. These are books I have read and benefited from, not just random books. They are great resources that can help you come to a deeper understanding of how God designed marriage and how to live that out.
Thanks for reading! I hope that this teaching on what the Bible says about marriage has helped you rethink parts of your life and faith. If it did would you share this post with a friend or two? That way they can benefit from it as you have. See you next time!
Biblical Traits Of A Good Husband Or Wife
Proverbs 31 has been called a description of The Ideal Wife. And its true that the chapter, as written, focuses on the wife. But in reality the ideal qualities given in this chapter apply equally to a husband as well as to a wife.
So how does the Bible define a good wife ? Here is a list of characteristics based on Proverbs 31. Look up the verses and see for yourself how they are described. Can you find other qualities in this chapter that are not listed here?
- A positive outlook that brings out the best in ones spouse
- Provides for the household
- Compassionate and aware of others peoples needs
- Is a credit to ones spouse in the community
- Loved and respected by the children and by ones spouse
- Has a good reputation outside the home
What Roles And Responsibilities Does The Bible Assign To Husbands And Wives
Husbands and wives should treat each other with love and respect. They should care for each others sexual needs in a loving way and avoid all forms of unfaithfulness. If they have children, husbands and wives share the responsibility of raising them.Proverbs 6:20.
The Bible does not discuss in detail how married couples should share secular work and household chores. They can decide together what will work best for their family.
A husbands role. The Bible says that a husband is head of his wife. He is the head in the sense that he should guide his family and make decisions that will benefit his wife and children.
He should strive to ensure that their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs are cared for. He shows that he values his wifes qualities and capabilities by working closely with her and by carefully considering her opinion and feelings when making decisions. The Bible says that a husband ought to care for his responsibilities in a loving way.Colossians 3:19.
A wifes role. The Bible says that a wife should have deep respect for her husband. God is pleased when a wife respects the role that he assigned to her husband.
Her role is to assist her husband, helping him to make good decisions and supporting his headship. The Bible speaks highly of a wife who fulfills her important role in marriage.Proverbs 31:10.
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Biblical Vs Worldy View Of Marriage
Lie 1: If youre not compatible, you may have married the wrong person.
Gods truth says that marriage is a covenant relationship. Once you choose to marry, its no longer up for debate as to whether your spouse is the right one. Marriage makes them the right one, for its a commitment before God. Its never to be based on shifting feelings, but a choice every day to love the spouse youve chosen to marry. In a world that often prefers to trade in for an updated version, this truth doesnt make sense. But according to Gods Word its very clear.
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Lie 2: If youre not happy, dont stay in an unhappy situation. You deserve more.
For many of us, marriage can tend to bring our selfishness out like nothing else. We want our way. We insist on our rights. We want our spouse to make us happy, and right now! In the midst of demands, well never be free to truly love and serve one another. Our focus will tend to be one-sided our side and what we want. Yet Gods goal for marriage was not just to make us happy. The truest picture of marriage is that it symbolizes the love of Christ for us. And His desire for us all is that we be made more into the image of Himself.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Lie 3: Marriage is a 50/50 relationship.
Dont Forget To Forgive
Forgiveness is a necessary part of marriage, but we dont always feel like forgiving. For those times keep these scriptures in mind.
6. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8
7. Be completely humble and gentle be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.- Ephesians 4:2-3
8. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. – Ephesians 4:31-32
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Christian Marriage Honors God Above All Else
As Christians, it’s important to focus on the purpose of marriage. The biblical example encourages believers to enter into marriage in a way that honors God’s covenant relationship, submits to the laws of God first and then the laws of the land, and gives a public demonstration of the holy commitment that is being made.
God Created Marriage In The Beginning
Its important to note that God initiated this very first marriage in Eden. Marriage comes from God. And His union of Adam and Eve illustrates Gods ideal for marriageone man and one woman joined together in a life-long commitment to each other, working together to form strong, godly families. Obviously, human beings havent always followed that ideal, but Gods way is still the best way.
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It Should Be A Place Of Permission Generosity And Joy
The first marriage was a place of innocence, openness and joy:
the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
After the fall that is a very difficult state to attain.
The Bibles view on sexuality is rather straight forward. Basically the Bible says that sex is beautiful within certain boundaries and typically brutal and dehumanizing outside of those boundaries.
That is a simple view and a controversial view and it always has been. Sex has always been one of the main points of departure between the Christian community and the surrounding culture, and not just in the ways you might think. The caricature of Christian sexual ethics would suggest that we are prudes who say NO more than we say YES but that isnt actually the point of departure. In fact one of the most radical things the Bible says about anything is what Paul says about the anticipated frequency and reciprocity of sex within a marriage. In 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 the Apostle Paul says:
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
That should be more widely known than it is.
The Quarrels Among You
When, for it is inevitable, conflict arises, may these verses be at the forefront of our minds.
15. My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.- James 1:19-20
16. A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.- Proverbs 15:8
17. What causes fights and quarrels among you? Dont they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. – James 4:1-2
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Truths On What The Bible Says About Marriage
With that in mind lets dive into what the Bible says about marriage and see what a Biblical marriage should look like. Heres 7 truths about the Christian marriage.
1. Marriage Is Not Mandatory
We tend to overvalue marriage in Christian circles. We act like everyone should be married and tend to look down on those that are not. Especially in the leadership circles within Christianity. If you arent married you are second class and your voice doesnt matter. At least not as much.
Now, I want to be very careful with this point. I dont want to downplay the importance of marriage and the role it plays in our growth. I know for me I would in no way be who I am or capable of doing what I do without my wife.
However, we should not assume that because some, or even most, benefit from marriage that all benefit. Some people will not and should not experience marriage. God has other plans for them. And thats a good thing to be celebrated. In fact it comes with advantages.
Not being married allows certain freedoms and abilities that those married simply dont have. That should be celebrate AS MUCH as those who are married. Both singleness and marriage are a gift from God.
What does the Bible say about marriage? We should view marriage AND singleness as a gift from God.
2. Marriage Is About Companionship
First and foremost Biblical marriage is about companionship. Marriage is about friendship more than anything else.
3. Marriage Irreversible By Design
7. Sex Is Reserved For Marriage
Close Bond In Marriage
The Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone I will make a helper comparable to him . After each of the six days of Creation week, God reviewed what He had made and saw that it was good. But there was one thing in Eden that very first week that was not good! All the animals God had created, came in pairsa male and a female. But there was no female for Adam! That is when God created Eve and performed the very first marriage .
God made men and women to complement each otherphysically, mentally, and socially. He built into our being a desire for the companionship of a husband or wife. Thats why the Bible says, He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord .
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It Isnt Always Gods Will
Perhaps the most surprising thing the Bible says about marriage is that it should not and will not be experienced by everyone.
In the Old Testament there are many heroes of the faith who were unmarried. Some were unmarried because God forbade them to marry we think of Jeremiah for example. Others were unmarried because they were made eunuchs by hostile foreign powers. Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego come to mind in this category.
Jesus spoke about these things in Matthew 19. In answer to the disciples response to his teaching on the permanence of marriage he said:
Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.
Here Jesus seems to be saying that God gives the grace to serve him in whatever capacity he calls people to. If a person is called to celibacy then God gives grace for that. If a person is called to marriage, God gives grace for that as well. The disciple must receive what God gives and do what God requires.
Whatever that it is.
The Apostle Paul was evidently influenced by that teaching. In his chapter long discussion of marriage in 1 Corinthians 7 he says:
I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
Your Spouse Is An Indispensable Help
This is one of my favorite topics and is core to understanding the connection that God wants us to have in marriage.
The first reference in the Bible to marriage is in Genesis. God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. Genesis 2:18
In Genesis, the Bible says that God created a helper for Adam. That word helper doesnt translate well. Helper sounds like an assistant or a servant. The word actually means much, much more.
The word for helper is ezer , and it is used in the context of indispensable rescue and support. In the Old Testament, ezer is used twenty-one times. It is used either in reference to military help in dire circumstances or in reference to God as a helper.
In marriage, God created someone to be your partner that you turn to for protection, rescue and soothing. This person is someone that you turn to when you need help. They are your comforter, rescuer and supporter.
In the eBook, we listed all the passages that use this word. It helps to gain the nuance of what a helper is.
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What Does The Bible Say About Marriage
In marriage you are not only committing to each other in companionship, you are committing to each other in everything. Nothing comes before your spouse.
Obviously God is the center piece of your marriage, but nothing besides the Lord is more important than your spouse. Not the kids, not church, not spreading the gospel, nothing!
If you had one rope and you had to choose between your spouse or everything else in the world hanging off a cliff, you choose your spouse.
Is It Okay For A Couple To Be Separated But Still Legally Married
In Biblical times, couples were temporarily apart due to military service ” rel=”nofollow”> 2 Samuel 11:6-11) or family visits ” rel=”nofollow”> Luke 1:39-40, ). Jesus’ apostles were likely away from their wives for at least part of the time they were serving Jesus ” rel=”nofollow”> 1 Corinthians 9:5, ). Similarly couples of today may have to be temporarily apart because of family situations, jobs or military service.
However, if a couple separates because of marital problems, they are no longer living according to the Biblical model of marriage ” rel=”nofollow”> Genesis 2:24, , , , ).
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What Does The Bible Say About Marital Vows
Technically, nothingthere are no wedding vows for him or her in the Bible, and the Bible does not actually mention vows being required or expected in a marriage.
No one knows exactly when the concept of wedding vows for her or him first developed, particularly in relation to Christian marriages however, the modern Christian concept of marital vows used in the Western world even today comes from a book commissioned by James I in 1662, titled the Anglican Book of Common Prayer.
The book included a solemnization of matrimony ceremony, which is still used today in millions of weddings, including non-Christian marriages.
The ceremony from the Anglican Book of Common Prayer includes the famous lines Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, as well as lines about the couple having each other in sickness and health until death do them part.
Dating And Choosing A Spouse
The Israelites were prohibited from intermarrying with the pagan peoples who surrounded them ” rel=”nofollow”> Deuteronomy 7:1-4), and the apostle Paul advised Christians to marry only other believers ” rel=”nofollow”> 1 Corinthians 7:39, ). However, an already married Christian should not divorce a nonbelieving spouse ” rel=”nofollow”> 1 Corinthians 7:12-16).
There is no indication in the Bible that we are predestined to marry a certain person or that there is one special person or “soul mate” that we should find and marry. Except for the preference to marry another Christian, we are free to marry whomever we wish ” rel=”nofollow”> 1 Corinthians 7:39).
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What Is The Love Chapter In The Bible
1 Corinthians 13 is the thirteenth chapter of the First Epistle to the Corinthians in the New Testament of the Christian Bible. It is authored by Paul the Apostle and Sosthenes in Ephesus. This chapter covers the subject of Love.