It Is Good To Stop Enabling And To Let The Violent Person Experience The Consequences Of His/her Sinful Behavior
One of lifes greatest teachers is consequences. God says what we sow, we reap . A person who repeatedly uses violence at home does so because he gets away with it. Dont allow that to continue . God has put civil authorities in place to protect victims of abuse . The apostle Paul appealed to the Roman government when he was being mistreated . And we should encourage victims to do likewise.
God Has Hard Words For Abusers Who Damage Their Children In Different Ways
But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
How many emotionally abusive fathers create a chaotic, confusing, hypocritical environment for their children to grow up in, causing those children to want nothing to do with their fathers God. This is perhaps the most devastating result of covert abuse. Especially when it is endorsed by the church. God will not be mocked.
What Does The Bible Say About Destructive And Abusive Relationships
I receive frantic calls and emails each week from Christian women who feel scared. They feel trapped, hopeless and helpless because their most intimate relationship is abusive. They are suffering from abuse verbally, physically, economically, sexually, spiritually or all of the above. The Bible has something to say about the way we treat people. And as Christians we should all strive to be Biblically wise in how we handle these difficult and painful family issues. Below are five Biblical principles that will guide your thinking about this topic of abusive relationships.
Scriptures On Healing From Abuse
Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. Colossians 3:19
The above verse is an edict from God. There are no excuses for violence and abusive behavior. For someone to say. I did it because they made me do it, is a lie from Hell. Seek help and get protection from such a person. If someone is abused mentally, verbally, sexually, or physically it is never their fault, nor is it ever justified. Biblical submission does not include having to take abuse in any form. Ultimately, God is a deliverer.
For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are Gods children. Romans 8:14-16
The world is all about control and enslavement, but the Lord is all about deliverance, freedom, and peace. Believe on Him and listen for His guidance. He will deliver you and then He will heal you.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10
The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Psalm 9:9
The LORD is my shepherd I shall not want. Psalms 23:1
Should You Get A Divorce
Unfortunately, thats just not a question I can answer for you.
I hate divorce, just as I know God does. I want to see marriages succeed, reconcile, and flourish.
I fought fiercely for my marriage and for 5.8 of the 6 years I was married, divorce just wasnt even an option in my mind.
But every situation is so different.
I dont believe God wants you to just sit there and take the abuse.
- Fight for your marriage in every way that you possibly can.
- Be patient.
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You Know A Victim Of Domestic Abuse
Around the world, 1 in 3 women has experienced some form of abuse from a male intimate partner in their lifetime. In the UK the number of women who have experienced domestic abuse since the age of 15 is comparable. And a survey conducted by the CDC reported that 1 in 3 women in the U.S. experience some form of sexual violence in their lifetime.
This is arguably the largest human rights violation of our time. And yet despite this prolific reality being mirrored in the church, we have largely remained silent on this life-altering experience so embedded in our homes and neighborhoods.
The truth is that you know a victim of abuse. It might be your mother, sister, aunt, friend, or a teenager in your church youth group. The chances are she hasnt felt safe enough to reveal the terrible pain she has suffered in the privacy of her relationship. Domestic abuse is easy to hide but can be challenging to identify.
What Is Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is a pattern of ongoing abusive behaviors with the intention of controlling and manipulating another person while diminishing the persons self-worth, identity, and dignity. Emotional abuse can occur within any interpersonal relationship, i.e., romantic partners, family members, friends, and colleagues. It’s often about power and domination.
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Did God Grant Government The Power To Determine What Abuse Is
Many Christians instead of looking to the Bible for their definition of abuse instead look to their feelings, their culture and most commonly their civil government.
First we must understand that it is God who defines the responsibilities, rights and limitations of the spheres of authority of the civil government, the church and the family. Abuse is a moral issue and it is God and not culture or government that defines what is moral and what is immoral.
Many Christians have been wrongly taught that civil government is an unlimited power established by God. This comes from a false understanding of passages like the one below:
13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lords sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme 14 Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.
I Peter 2:13-14
Passages like the one above must be taken into context with the entirety of the Scriptures. Christ himself stated that civil government is in fact limited in its scope and authority:
And Jesus answering said unto them, Render to Caesar the things that are Caesars, and to God the things that are Gods. And they marvelled at him.
Jesus did not say Give to God what is Gods and everything else belongs to Caesar. His words were carefully measured. He said to give to Caesar the things that are Caesars which tells us God actually intends for civil government to be limited.
God Says An Abuser Is A Fraud And His Religion Is Worthless These Are Wolves In Sheeps Clothing And They Are Dangerous
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this persons religion is worthless.
I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren.
But it was because of the false brethren secretly brought in, who had sneaked in to spy out our liberty which we have in Christ Jesus, in order to bring us into bondage.
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Neglect As A Type Of Abuse
Parents who are physically neglectful of their children, through withholding interaction, for example, are being emotionally abusive. It is also possible for people to neglect their children and other family members emotionally, by refusing to engage in any way with them. Additionally, parents who are providing for the physical needs of children but prioritizing other areas of their own lives can be considered to be neglectful.
Ultimately, when a caregiver or partner neglects to meet the needs of the other person, they are doing emotional harm. It is considered to be neglectful to fail to meet needs because there are general expectations associated with being a parent or being in a romantic relationship.
When you decide to become a parent or enter into a serious relationship, you are signing up for the responsibilities that come along with those things, and to be an active participant in the relationship. Failure to meet those responsibilities and expectations for care, whether that care is physical, emotional or financial, constitutes neglect.
What If Questions About Marriage
What if my spouse makes fun of my looks on a regular basis?
What if my spouse hurls insults at me on a daily basis?
What if my spouse is hyper critical toward me on a daily basis?
What if my spouse is bipolar or has some other mental illness and refuses to get professional help?
What if my spouse has some type of addiction?
What if my husband abuses his power and gets off on using his power to make me do ridiculous things?
What if my husband is a selfish lover and never asks me what I want in our sex life?
What if my husband never talks to me and only wants sex?
What if my wife is a contentious and brawling woman toward me on a daily basis?
What if my wife is like a constant dripping water and nags me on daily basis?
What if my husband is a workaholic?
What if my wife is never satisfied with anything I buy her ?
What if my wife always gives me grudgingly given sex?
What if my wife is a selfish lover and only wants sex her way?
The answer to all these What If questions is the same. Search the Scriptures and you will find there is absolutely no allowance for divorce in any of these situations. All of these situations are hard to live with if you are the spouse who has to endure them. But God does not give us an easy way out but instead he tells us this regarding the trials we face in life:
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience 4 And patience, experience and experience, hope
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Parents Can Emotionally Abuse Their Children
The Bible gives the following commands to fathers regarding their children:
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
Why did God address these commands only to fathers? Can mothers not provoke their children to anger as well and cause them to be discouraged? The answer is that mothers can do this just as easily as fathers but God is addressing fathers because they are the spiritual head of their home. Fathers set the example and fathers can and should address this wrong behavior not only in themselves, but also in their wives as the mothers of their children.
So how can fathers and mothers provoke their children to wrath and discourage them? Perhaps by showing favoritism between their children. Maybe they constantly tear down and call their children names and hurl insults at them. Maybe it is that they do not discipline in love, but rather in anger or in malice. Perhaps they constantly threaten instead of warn. Maybe they use no measure or control in their discipline. Fathers may be too over protective or possessive not realizing that their ownership over children is a temporary stewardship God has given unlike the lifelong ownership of a husband over his wife.
Submission And Headship In Marriage
Any discussion of how men and women should relate to each other within marriage must first assume the biblical attitudes of love, selflessness, and mutual submission are central. This is true whether Christians are either:
- Complementarian: believing that while men and women are both of equal, intrinsic value before God and are also both of equal value and importance within a marriage, they have different, complementary roles or functions, with the husband serving as the head of the family and the wife submitting to his headship.
- Egalitarian: believing in equality within marriage without distinct roles based on gender and that both husband and wife lead family life collaboratively.
When Paul says, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church , he is categorically prohibiting every attitude or behaviour that results in a husband devaluing, humiliating, belittling, or emotionally or physically wounding his wife. Whatever Paul meant when he told wives to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord , he was categorically not saying that women should ever live in fear of their husbands. Nor was he supporting the idea that men and women were created unequal and that women are to be treated as inferior.
Remaining in an abusive relationship – even under a doctrine of wifely submission – is not supported by scripture. Marriage is not meant to induce suffering and enduring persistent abuse does not lead to anything good. Ongoing abuse in a marriage is damaging to everyone:
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The Most Important Advice I Can Offer
The one thing that helped me the most during that marriage was my support system.
You need people you trust who can ground you in reality and tell you the truth about your situation.
Build a support system.
- A Christian counselor
- A few close friends
Building a support system and sharing the messy details of what goes on behind closed doors is not an easy thing.
I did not open up to everyone about it , but you desperately need people.
They didnt just magically appear.
I stepped way out of my comfort zone more than once to build this group of people. My ex-husband did not like that I had a support system one bit.
Whether I was talking to them about him or not, he wanted me to be isolated.
He tried many times to separate me from friends and family.
Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didnt.
I often couldnt talk to people at home when he was there, so I called them in grocery store parking lots or on my lunch break at work, met them for coffee, and reached out whenever I could in a safe environment.
I fought for my marriage with every ounce of energy I had, so I needed people I could lean on to just keep going.
My self-esteem was crushed by the end of that marriage.
I had no idea who I was and I felt like a shell of a person and that was WITH an incredibly strong, supportive group of people holding me up.
I cant imagine what it would have been like without them.
What Does The Bible Say About Mental Health
The mental health topic is a challenging topic to discuss because of the millions of lives that are affected by mental illnesses every year. NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness, reported that in the United States over 46 million people are plagued by mental illnesses each year. This is 1 out of 5 adults.
Additionally, NAMI also reported that 1 out of 25 adults in the U.S. suffer from serious mental illnesses. This costs America over $190 billion in lost earnings per year. These are staggering numbers. However, the statistics are even more distressing than you might think. NAMI reported that mental health disorders are seen in over 90% of all deaths by suicide. In 2015 Elizabeth Reisinger Walker, Robin E. McGee, and Benjamin G. Druss conducted a study that was published on JAMA Psychiatry.
This study revealed that roughly 8 million deaths each year are linked to mental health conditions. What does the Bible say about mental health? How should we treat Christians struggling with mental health disorders? My goal is to assist those who are battling these issues by proposing helpful, biblical, and practical solutions.
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Bible Verses About Mental Abuse
The righteous cry, and the Lord hearsAnd delivers them out of all their troubles.The Lord is near to the brokenheartedAnd saves those who are crushed in spirit.Many are the afflictions of the righteous,But the Lord delivers him out of them all.He keeps all his bones,Not one of them is broken.
No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
How To Deal With An Emotionally And Verbally Abusive Spouse
If you have chosen to read this article, you are most likely in the midst of a nightmare in your marriage. You probably never expected to ever be in an abusive marriage, and you are wondering what you are going to do now. That question has driven you to search for some answers to your dilemma. How do you handle a spouse that is emotionally and verbally abusing you? Do you just take it, or stand up to them? Do you leave the home, or stick it out? I have counseled both men and women who have been emotionally, verbally, and physically abused by their spouse or other family members. In a recent survey 26% of teenage girls in a relationship reported enduring repeated verbal abuse . Nearly half of all women and men in the United States will experience psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime . A US study published in April 2004 by the American Journal of Public Health with over 92,000 respondents found that women in their 50s and beyond report suffering physical and verbal abuse at a rate similar to that of younger women. You must conclude that abusive relationships are more common than anyone wants to admit.
Why do I connect emotional and verbal abuse together as one topic?
How do you define emotional and verbal abuse?
Does the Bible speak about emotional and verbal abuse?
Why does a person emotionally and verbally abuse another?
Answering some tough questions.
What should you do if you are being abused?
Can an abuser change?
COVENANT KEEPERS © 2017
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