The Necessity Of Discipline: To Deter Destruction
The writer of Hebrews ends chapter 10 with a strong warning coupled with strong encouragement: Those who shrink back from faith and Gods will are destroyed, but those who persevere receive all that He has promised. Chapter 11 is full of examples from the men and women in Scripture, and then chapter 12 continues with the encouragement to live a courageous, faithful life. The context of verse 4 is this idea that haphazard living leads to destruction. The message is clear: Disciplined lives reap rewards.
Christian discipline is about watching your child to see the direction in which hes going. Remember the illustration of giving your child the keys and letting him drive on his own? Action needs to be taken when you see your child take the wrong route and you know hes headed straight for a cliff. You yank the wheel or slam on the brakes, or even put up a barrier so your child wont plunge a thousand feet. Hell get mad for a moment, but ten years down the road hell thank you.
Ways To Discipline Your Wife
Biblically speaking all those who are under various authorities can and should be disciplined by those authorities. The husband wife relationship is no exception to this rule. So how should a Christian husband go about his duty of disciplining his wife whom God has placed under his authority? This is a question that we will seek to answer here.
When we hear the word discipline in the context of wives this can be a scary term for many. It invokes images of husbands beating their wives and knocking them around or locking them in closets. It might invoke images of husbands standing over their wives yelling and screaming at them and using all kinds of obscenities. This is not the type of discipline that we are talking about in a Biblical context. Men who behave in such ways will answer to God for this abusive treatment of their wives.
But Wont Discipline Attempts By A Husband Toward His Wife Ultimately Lead To Divorce
Other husbands have emailed in and asked But wont these types of discipline ultimately lead to divorce?
Divorce is always a very real possibility in any marriage, whether discipline takes place or not.
But God does not call us as husbands to abdicate our role as the head of our wives in order to keep our marriage together at all costs. Christ did not sacrifice himself for his church to enable her sin, but to make her holy.
If you allow your wife to believe the threat of divorce will get you to let her continue in whatever sinful behavior she is doing she will use it every time.
In fact the two most powerful tools in the hands of most modern rebellious wives is that of the threat of divorce or the removal of sex.
There are many men in American and western cultures that have been brought to their knees in submission to their wives using one or a combination of these two evil weapons.
Now on the threat of divorce threats of divorce are not always evil. If a woman threatens to divorce her husband because he is physically abusing her or her children, or because he refuses to work or provide for his family she is Biblically justified in doing so .
But if she threatens divorce because of unbiblical reasons this makes the threat of divorce a weapon of evil.
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An Expression Of Love
Do you see how, from this perspective, discipline even painful discipline is actually an expression of love? Christian discipline always seeks the childs best interest. A mature parent can withstand the anger of their child and say, Thats okay, you dont need to love me right now. Youll love me for it in a few years. It hurts temporarily, but to compromise your childs welfare from fear of losing his love will hurt a lot worse later on.
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What Does The Bible Say About Ungrateful Children
He who returns evil for good, de your house will never turn away evil. If you’ve been raising offspring ungrateful and wicked, it’s time de straighten your path, and direct your offspring to a discipline de according to the word de God. “Exodus 20:12,”Childrenobey your Parents, because this is fair.
Different Types Of Discipline For Different Spheres Of Authority
The discipline from each authority that God has established looks very different. The types of discipline that a government can bring on its citizens looks very different than the discipline that church authorities can bring on their members. The discipline of an employer toward his employees looks very different than the discipline of parents toward their children. In the same way a husbands discipline toward his wife will look different that the discipline used in these other spheres of authority.
But what all these spheres of authority have in common is this:
In every sphere of authority God has established that the authority has not only the right, but the duty to discipline those under their authority.
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Consider Your Disobedient Childs Developmental Ability
Dont forget to consider your childs ability here. Remember that young children can follow ONLY one command at a time. You tell a 3-year-old to put his PJs on. You dont tell him to get a drink of water, brush his teeth, put on his PJs, and get into bed. Trust me: that will NEVER happen, and you will end up with a frustrated mom and an exasperated child.
Around ages 4-5, children can handle multiple commands, but the transition is slow and every kid is different. Try two things and see if they can handle it. Then work your way up to more. Unless its a regular routine, even a 10-year-old is going to struggle with a task that involves 5-6 steps that are new to him.
Is Anger A Sin
Is anger really a sin? And if it is, when does anger actually become a sin?
From the types of anger we discussed above, youll discover that anger is not always a sin.
For instance the anger of Phinehas was as a result of his love for God. And his action through his anger stopped the wrath of God. And the plague that took twenty four thousand souls stopped too.
I like to call this type of anger the Holy anger.
It is the type of anger that comes upon you when youve had enough of the devil. When youre tired of been mesmerized by the devil.
Then you stand up and put the devil in his place.
This is the kind of anger that Matthew 11:12 talks about. This was the type of anger that made David stand against Goliath without been afraid.
On the other hand, anger is also a sin. When it is not properly channeled it becomes a sin.
It could be anger against a friend, wife, husband, brother, or even self.
One very funny thing about anger is that sometimes, the people youre angry with doesnt even know that they offended you.
Youre all alone in your rage and anger, boiling and about to explode.
Anger is very dangerous because it stirs up so many hurtful thoughts. And when these thoughts has been conceived in the heart, they can birth some unspeakable actions that you may regret at last.
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Discipline Is About Maintaining Order
I think the comparison of the family structure to military ranks is both Biblical as hupotasso is a military term and it helps us to understand the discipline in the home as well.
God is like our General . In the home the husband would be like a Lieutenant General , and the wife would be like a Major General . The children would be the enlisted men. Imagine that a 4 star General came along and saw a 2 star General publically degrading her 3 star General in front of other officers or the enlisted men. What do you think the response would be from that 4 star General?
That 4 star General would first scold the 2 star General for her disrespect and then he would probably scold the 3 star General for allowing the disrespect to go on. It is the same with God as he looks at the relationships of husbands and wives.
He has given us different positions and we are to exercise and play out those parts he has given us. As a Christian husband you cannot allow your wifes demeaning or disrespectful behavior to go unchecked because it is an affront to Gods established order. You are responsible for teaching both your wife and your children the ways of God. You are equally responsible for disciplining your wife and children when they rebel against Gods ways.
What Does The Bible Say About Anger
As a child, I grew up knowing that I had anger issues. I could get seriously angry even with the slightest mistake.
Whenever I was angry, it was as if there was a fire gradually burning inside and was ready explode.
At that time I could use anything on you. And whenever I was angry I saw everybody like a child that I could beat.
I dont want want to know if you are smaller or bigger than me. it was that bad.
Now it wasnt like I was going around making trouble here and there, but I just couldnt hold or control my temper.
I hated been oppressed, I guess that was where many of my issues came from.
Since I didnt know how to let go or allow certain things to just be.
This continue until one day my pastor preached about anger. He said anger lies in the bosom of fools.
I never knew there was a scripture like that in the Bible.
Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9
I asked my self a question: Does it mean that you are a fool? I said oh Ebi youve been such a big fool.
I decided that anger would not rule over me anymore, so I prayed for the Holy Spirit to help renew my mind and help me to be more tolerant.
Do you know that when you pray to be patient or tolerant, youll have more people who would tempt you to try your patience?
Been slow to anger is a virtue of love, and patience.
If you can learn to be patient with people, you could overcome anger.
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Cant You Just Talk To Your Wife Like An Adult What Is All The Need For This Discipline Stuff
I have received many variations of this question since I first posted this article. The answer to that question if you actually read this post is that a husband should always speak to his wife gently at first.
So for instance if a husband thinks his wife is mishandling the credit cards his first action is not to take away the cards. It is to first speak with her gently.
With many Christian wives the gentle approach is all that is needed.
But are we so naïve to think that every wife will respond to these gently conversations and turn from her sinful behavior, whatever that may be? Is there no such thing as an unrepentant and rebellious sinful wife who tells her husband where he can stick it anytime he brings things to her attention?
Many Christians and even non-Christians would have us to believe that wives who do the things I mentioned above do not exist. The existence of these wives is equivalent to big foot, its just a myth in their view.
Others will acknowledge the existence of these kinds of women. But many Christians will say that all a man can do is pray for his unrepentant wife, he is not allowed by God to bring any kind of discipline into her life. I believe in the power of prayer, and a husband should always pray about discipline he is bringing into his wifes life.
The Result Of Discipline: Short
The reason we dont like to discipline our kids is that it involves short-term pain. Were sympathetic to their feelings, and we never enjoy hurting them. Verse 11 acknowledges the pain, saying all discipline not some, most, Christian, Biblical, but all seems not to be pleasant, but painful. But theres a process involved those who have been trained by it yield the fruit of righteousness.
Someone advised me long ago not to ask myself whether my child liked the discipline I was imposing but to ask whether he would love me when he looked back on the situation years later. That helped me tremendously, especially when one of them would say, What do you mean Im grounded? I really cant go? I hate you. Youre the worst parent in the world. I even overheard one of my kids, only mildly joking, telling his friends, Its like my dad chains me to the bedpost. I never get to go anywhere. I would have to remind myself that he was reaping the consequences we had decided on and spelled out upfront, and his disobedience produced the expected results. I didnt give in, and my kids came back to me later and said, Thanks, Dad.
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Other Articles In This Series:
Newest Release – Episode 5: Its Going to be Amazing!
After a couple has chosen life, hear the heartwarming stories of children that culture would have cast aside, yet are making tremendous impacts in their communities. Whether the diagnosis was adverse or the circumstances were difficult, these stories will inspire you to come along side of families who have chosen life!
Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!
Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!
Newest Release – Episode 4: Sometimes the Choice is Hard
Hear real life stories of parents who have made the decision to choose life even though the circumstances were overwhelming. Youll see why ALL life is precious to God and why choosing life is always the right decision!
Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!
Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!
Newest Release – Episode 6: Families Helping Families!
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Newest Release – Episode 3: The Power of a Picture
Newest Release – Episode 2: Heroes Providing Hope
Including Those That The Bible Recommends
Posted April 21, 2013
The bible has the following recommendations:
18 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and , when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place
20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice a glutton, and a drunkard.
21 And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
I do not take such a stern view.
More specifically, we would like our children to grow up to be more or less civilized. We would like them to feel comfortable doing what they are supposed to do. We do not want them to wonder all the time whether it is safe to break one or another rule. If they are stopped by a red light in the middle of the night, they should not be inclined to look around for a policeman to decide whether or not it is safe to drive through the light. That sort of thinking is undesirable not only because every once in a while it leads to getting in trouble, but, more important, because it is a waste of time. There are other things to think about, even when waiting for a traffic light to change. We would like our children to follow the rules most of the time without questioning them.
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What To Do With A Child Who Is Defiant
When responding to defiant behavior, do not punish in the moment. Instead, tell your child that you are disappointed and will discuss the consequences later. This gives you time to calm down and your child time to think over his actions. If you respond in the moment, you may react in a combative manner.