Do Narcissistic Parents Ever Change
Narcissism does not exist in a vacuum and is usually handed down the generations. Seeing your own mother in context can help soften feelings of anger, although it usually does little to change behavior. McBride says, If a woman has a full-blown narcissistic personality disorder it is unlikely that much will change.
Narcissists Have No Love For Others
I think that sometimes narcissists believe that they love their people. What I learned over time is that love depended on what those people were doing for the narcissist. As long as his perceived needs were being metadoration and credit for everythingthen he felt like he was loving and being loved. At the end of the day, it was all about looking out for number one at all costs.
So what does the Bible say about how narcissists have no love for others? Proverbs 29:7 says, The righteous is concerned for the rights of the poor, the wicked does not understand such concern. The point here is that concern for others is so far removed from the mind and heart of the narcissist that he doesnt even understand having care for others.
They Are Lovers Of Self
Self-absorbed people will look in the mirror and admire their outward beauty falling in love with themselves. They think theyre more special than others, or should be given special treatment. They may spend excessive amounts of time and money on their appearance to continue to get this treatment. They fantasize about having everything they want in life without restrictions or having to work for it.
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What Does Narcissism Look Like
Before we delve into the ramifications of narcissistic leaders, we must also realize that it can be prevalent within our own hearts as well. Jesus warns in Matthew 7:5 to first take the beam of wood out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the splinter out of your brothers eye .
Have you ever left a church because the worship service didnt speak to you? Or it wasnt your style? How about when you thought the pastor was not very charismatic ? Stop and ask yourself is worship about you or about God? The reality is that we can all fall into the trap of narcissism if we are not careful.
It is why Paul warns in Philippians 2:3 to do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant that yourselves . Anyone can be tempted by power and status because our sin nature is selfish. How do we avoid it?
1. Pray. Earnestly seek the Lords wisdom for any blind spots within your character. The Holy Spirit is faithful to convict, but we must have our hearts tuned to listen.
2. Have a system of accountability in place with like-minded believers that are not just yes-men is the vitally important practical application for Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another .
What The Bible Says About Tolerating Narcissistic Abuse
I get a wonderful daily email from Bible Gateway- Psalms in a month. This was in todays email, & I couldnt help but think of narcissists.
Psalm 101:5
Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will silence The one who has a haughty look and a proud heart I will not tolerate.
Soooooo if God Himself has absolutely no tolerance for this type of behavior, why do people think victims should tolerate it? How is it being a good Christian to tolerate this sort of abuse?
It seems to me that people who believe those of us who have gone no contact or at the very least refuse to tolerate a narcissists abuse by giving them boundaries & consequences are putting people & their wishes above God. What they think should happen is obviously more important to them than what the Bible says. If the narcissist in question is family, theyre also putting the institution of family above God.
If you think that Im just overreacting, consider the following from the Gospel of Matthew
Matthew 10:34-37
Dont think Ive come to make life cozy. Ive come to cutmake a sharp knife-cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-lawcut through these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God. Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies. If you prefer father or mother over me, you dont deserve me. If you prefer son or daughter over me, you dont deserve me.
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Does That Mean That A Narcissist Is Beyond Salvation
We want to believe that no one is beyond salvation. After all, nothing is impossible for God. And Acts 2: 21 says that everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. But therein lies the problem. Remember Pauls cry of what a wretched man I am? A narcissist cannot utter that cry or call on the name of the Lord. It isnt that God doesnt want to save them its that they dont want to be saved because they dont see the needto be saved. And God will not force someone to come to him who is not willing.
1 John 5: 16 says that there is a sin that leads to death a sin so egregious that we are told to not even bother praying for it. Matthew 12: 31, 32 tells us that this unforgivable sin is a rejection of the Holy Spirit. That rejection of the Holy Spirit defines the very nature of a narcissist.
The Nine Traits Of Narcissism
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance .
2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
3. Believes that they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people .
4. Requires excessive admiration.
5. Has a sense of entitlement .
6. Is interpersonally exploitative .
7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.
9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.
Dealing with a narcissist can often leave friends and family members hurt. If you’re needing healing for the hurt in your life, .
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They Are Without Love And Not Lovers Of Good
Love is patient and kind, not self-seeking, or easily angered. Narcissism is the opposite of everything written in 1 Corinthians 13. Relationships fail when theyre entangled with narcissism. When someone is so in love with themselves, theyre unable to love God and love others. Theyre so focused on what theyre going to get from the other person, not what they can give or how they can be loving or good. If they act lovingly, its only because theyre expecting to get something in return for their act. Unselfish love is true love. Im not sure if someone with narcissism is capable of true love.
Take Responsibility For Your Own Self Esteem
Narcissists generally attempt to take control of their surroundings by making people dependent on them for criticism. Because narcissists are addicted to external validation, manipulating other people is their only means of managing their own self esteem.
As the wife of a christian narcissist, you must make an effort to have your own self worth, friends, close family ties, and religious foundation.
In doing so, you make exceed the role of what a traditional christian might think is proper. After all, the husband is the religious center of the family in the Bible. And, strong families ties are central to the practice of Christianity.
However, if your husband in a narcissist, they have a sickness which means as their spouse it is your right and responsibility to take over where they are unable to.
The best thing you can do for your narcissistic husband and your family is ensure that your own self esteem cannot be leveraged as a point of narcissistic manipulation.
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If You Disagree With A Narcissist They Will Oppose You And Make You Their Enemy
Psalm 10:1-11,16-18 says,
1 Why, Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
2 In his arrogance the wicked man hunts down the weak, who are caught in the schemes he devises.3 He boasts about the cravings of his heart he blesses the greedy and reviles the Lord.4 In his pride the wicked man does not seek him in all his thoughts there is no room for God.5 His ways are always prosperous your laws are rejected by him he sneers at all his enemies.6 He says to himself, Nothing will ever shake me. He swears, No one will ever do me harm.
7 His mouth is full of lies and threats trouble and evil are under his tongue.8 He lies in wait near the villages from ambush he murders the innocent.His eyes watch in secret for his victims 9 like a lion in cover he lies in wait.He lies in wait to catch the helpless he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net.10 His victims are crushed, they collapse they fall under his strength.11 He says to himself, God will never notice he covers his face and never sees.
16 The Lord is King for ever and ever the nations will perish from his land.17 You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,18 defending the fatherless and the oppressed, so that mere earthly mortals will never again strike terror.
Battling Narcissism And Its Dangers With Faith
There is a danger that many people overlook which will destroy homes, families, businesses, churches, and even whole nations. The danger is hard to see because of the blinding nature of the reality and the heartfelt desire for people to believe the very best in others in spite of the seemingly obvious signs of danger. It is the narcissist.
Often narcissism is not mentioned in Christian theology, sermons, or Bible Studies because term is not explicitly found in the Bible. Yet, the concept of narcissism and the dangers it poses to the human community is fundamental to scripture. Unfortunately, the unwillingness of many Christians to take a hard look at the narcissists in our lives means that many unnecessarily suffer at the hands of the narcissist and neither understand why their world is filled with anger, fear, hate, and uncertainty, nor comprehend the blessings and peace God has for them outside of the distortions perpetuated by the narcissist.
The challenge is that a narcissist is frequently very charismatic and has an uncanny ability to win people over to his or her side. The narcissist knows how to attract people to them, say what they want to hear, and convince them that the narcissist has their best interests at heart. Yet, it is a dangerous trap.
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St Paul Says: Lovers Of Money
Psychology says: The narcissist needs money to maintain the false image and keep them on the pedestal they put their selves on. Money is the enabler that allows them to surround themselves with symbols of wealth the flashy car, the big house, the clothes, etc.
Wealth to the narcissist portrays both psychological and financial power, putting them on a pedestal of greatness where they can be worshiped by everybody, including themselves. They are addicted to adoration and attention, money buys that for them. Because the narcissist grew up feeling deprived of love, they are always seeking love substitutes, and money represents that love that they constantly seek. Money, and their attitudes to it, affects all of the narcissists relationships. For example, it is a useful commodity for cajoling and seducing people as a source of future narcissistic supply.
The narcissist uses their open display of money in order to get social approval, this often adds to their sense of entitlement. That sense of entitlement often leads them to feel that they are also entitled to other peoples money, they will use any means for extracting what money they can from others. Their grandiose fantasy leads them to believe that they have more money than they really have, and this often leads them to spend recklessly.
How These Scriptures Play Out In Present
So what does the Bible actually say about narcissism and lying?
Lying is a pernicious habit. After being trapped by the first lie, the next lie is told to cover up the first one. This can go on forever. And keeping up with it all can be maddening.
That is just what a narcissist will do. Some become very adept at it. My ex husband ran circles around me in the memory department. He remembered everything. I suffered from major brain fog.
But once our counselors knew what was going on, that brain fog began to clear. I realized I had been excusing all the lies I had been told as misunderstandings. The stronger I became mentally, the angrier and more manipulative he became.
The lies didnt stop. He still pushed as far as he could with them. But once cornered, he would claim that he misremembered. Except that he could regurgitate the facts of everything else like it was nothing.
Once I stopped talking to him personally and only communicated by text or email, life became so much simpler. And that was key to my healing.
As for him, the lies continue to this day. I dont think he will ever free himself from them. And for that I am very sad. Because I know what God has in store for him. And that is why I will still pray for his healing until the day I die.
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Do Narcissists Ever Say Thank You
While extremely few narcissists apologize, many narcissists say thank you. Its not because they truly feel grateful, but because they know that its socially more acceptable and that they can gain more benefits in future with it. It is more so when they are dealing with those who are not in their inner circle.
God Will Advocate For Victims Of Narcissism
So what does the Bible say about narcissism and how God will advocate for us? It has wonderful things to say! Lets take a look at just a few of those verses below:
1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances God has called us to live in peace.
Psalm 23:4-6 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23 can be such an overused cliché , but verses 4 and 5 talk about that even while we are in the lowest of valleys, God is there with us, preparing a table of abundance for us. He is in the trenches with us. Hes got us!
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What Should You Do When A Narcissist Turns Your Friends Against You
What should you do when a narcissist turns your friends against you? In our previous two Little Lessons, weve been talking about a personality disorder that psychologists have coined narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissism is characterized by a grandiose view of oneself. A very, very important person who sees other people as a potential admirers, and thats what theyre trying to collect. A person who never takes the blame for anything because theyre living in a fantasy world where they do everything so well. And theyre very quick to tell you how well they are doing. And theyre often bullies and they often deal with disappointment by anger, outbursts of anger and rage so that everyone walks on eggshells around them.
So one of the things that narcissists will do if you let them into your life, is that they will begin to target your friends, especially if youre not giving them quite the admiration that they feel that they deserve. And again, narcissists have an extreme need for affirmation and even adoration. And so they are looking for people who will provide that for them. And theyll go after anyone who admires you, because they actually become jealous of the admiration that youre receiving. And theyll try to take it for themselves. And how can they do that? Well, they can do that if they could turn your friends against you.
Okay, until next time, may the Lord bless you richly.
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What Does The Bible Say About Narcissistic Behavior
Sometimes,the Bible can be used in a way to better explain narcissism. Read on to know more about what the Bible can say about narcissistic behavior.
People will be lovers of themselves.
Narcissism is addressed in the Bible in Pauls second pastoral epistle to Timothy in the fall of A.D.67. Paul seems to be concerned about the character and behavior of leaders within the church, so he warns Timothy to beware of those who act out of a self-love attitude.
He says, But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away. Here Paul names many of the attributes associated to-day with the narcissistic personality we are all becoming so familiar with.
The Science of Psychology and Narcissism as a scholarly study is relatively young, barely more than a century old in fact. However, the term Narcissism is not confined to psychology alone, it is also seen through the lens of other disciplines, such as sociology Political Science Criminology Theological Anthropology Theology .
Contrasting the Bible with Psychology:
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