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What Does The Bible Say About An Abusive Husband

What Does The Bible Say About Verbally Abusive Husbands

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What Does The Bible Say About Verbally Abusive Husbands? The Bible says much about Abusive Relationships. Over time, the word abuse has been given several meanings. At its pronunciation, many people are more likely to perceive anger or some form of physical violence involved. However, this is a simplistic and often misleading view of abuse. Note that anger is an emotion that God gave us to alert us to problems. Following this, we can say that righteous anger is not sinful and should not be associated with abuse. Mishandling anger will likely lead to a sinful, abusive response, but its a sinful heart, not the emotion of anger, that is the root cause of abuse. Today, we make use of the word abuse to describe the mistreatment or misuse of virtually anything. In this light, we speak of the abuse of drugs, alcohol, trust, institutions, and objects.

What The Scriptures Say About Abuse

The Scriptures call on us to love rather than abuse others . Taking advantage of or abusing others is something highly condemned in the Scriptures . It is worth pointing out the fact that victims of abuse can be ensnared in a cycle that is very difficult to break. Luckily enough, With God All Things Are Possible. If we call on Him for help in the name of Jesus, He will certainly see us through. Amazingly, the Lord Jesus cares for His followers and has laid down His life to demonstrate His love for them . Jesus Christ will most assuredly comfort, vindicate, and heal those in pains and sufferings caused by any form of abuse .

As Christians, we should not replicate the abuse that we were victims of to others. Rather, we should seek true healing from Jesus while replicating His Love to others. Remember that the Bible calls on us to love not only our friends but even those who hurt us. We are to love even our enemies and do good to those who hate us while praying that they may see the light from Jesus Christ and change . While in search of help to recover from past hurts, it is advisable to visit pastoral or Biblical counseling or a small group of believers where people can help bear one anothers burdens . The Lord Jesus Christ will certainly equip us with what it takes to do what He called us to do, which is to love one another as He loves us.

More facts from the Bible

Characteristics of emotional abuse

Why does a person abuse his/her friend, spouse, coworker, or relative?

Understanding The Difference Between Hurt And Harm

What were talking about safety, what were saying is you do me harm. Its not harmful to hold someone accountable or to ask them to tell you the truth, or even to say what you did was really hurtful to me, and you harmed me. Thats good for them to hear that, but they will twist that word because it makes them feel bad, or it makes them uncomfortable with you holding them accountable. So, its a twisting of language.

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What Does The Bible Say About Destructive And Abusive Relationships

I receive frantic calls and emails each week from Christian women who feel scared. They feel trapped, hopeless and helpless because their most intimate relationship is abusive. They are suffering from abuse verbally, physically, economically, sexually, spiritually or all of the above. The Bible has something to say about the way we treat people. And as Christians we should all strive to be Biblically wise in how we handle these difficult and painful family issues. Below are five Biblical principles that will guide your thinking about this topic of abusive relationships.

Are Abused Wives Really Called To Suffer

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Abused wives are absolutely not called to suffer abuse in their marriage for the sake of the Gospel of Christ. This is a prominent belief in the church and it is against nearly everything the Bible stands for.

So what does the Bible mean when it talks about suffering for Christ? It means that if you are suffering for the literal gospel of Christ, then you are standing for God. It means those times when you are bullied for carrying your Bible, told you cannot exercise your faith, or mocked or persecuted for your religious beliefs.

Suffering for Jesus has nothing to do with submitting to abuse in your household. The Bible says abusive husbands are in sin. And it says you are to walk away from evil and expose it so others will not suffer. Here are a few verses on that:

Proverbs 22:24 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man.

Ephesians 5:11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.

1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals.

There are plenty more, but Im sure you get the point.

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Recognizing Different Forms Of Destructive Abuse

So, when you have a husband who blames you for when he does those things and then you go to counseling and somehow youre supposed to fix him and youre supposed to keep them from acting out in those ways, whether they be abusive ways, addictive ways, or betrayal ways with another woman. You cant fix his problem and thats where it gets very murky, but I would say that women should understand that abuse goes deeper than just physical or emotional abuse. Whenever you are controlled by another person, where you are no longer free to say no, I dont like this or this is what I want, or this is what I dont want, or this is who I am and this isnt who I am.

When someones trying to objectify you into someone in their image instead of helping you to become who youre supposed to be, that can become very destructive to your growth and character as a person. But also, when someones very indifferent, I think we dont talk about this a lot. When someone is totally indifferent to your needs, to your wants, to your cares, to your hurts, and theyre just living for themselves and whatever theyre doing. That can be very destructive because its saying to you, you dont matter. You dont matter at all. Youre married to someone who says you dont matter, thats pretty hard to take.

Anne: Yeah, its devastating, and many women are experiencing that on a daily basis from the ways their husbands are interacting with them.

What Does God Say About Safety

At BTR, we believe that every woman deserves a foundation of safety in her life. Biblically, Leslie Vernick explains that this is Gods plan as well.

The Bible actually talks about the importance of safety especially in a marriage relationship. The verse in Proverbs 31 where it talks about the Proverbs 31 woman, for example. It says her husband trusts her to do him good not harm, all the days of his life. That is safety. Thats the rock bottom foundation of any relationship. You cant be in a relationship with somebody, even if you really love them, if you dont feel safe with that person. And so safety is an important quality to God in relationships and hes created our bodies to react in a negative way if were unsafe so that we go to safety.

Leslie Vernick

How do our bodies react in a negative way when we feel unsafe?

Every woman is different, but traumatic responses can include:

  • Over/undereating

Choosing to prioritize your safety above all else is the greatest act of self-care and the wisest and most profound legacy you can leave for your children.

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Biblical Headship Does Not Entitle A Husband To Get His Own Way

It doesnt entitle him to make all the family decisions, or to remove his wifes right to choose. At the heart of most domestic abuse is the sinful use of power to gain control over another individual. Biblical headship is described as sacrificial servanthood. It is not unlimited authority and/or power .

Lets not confuse terms. When a husband demands his own way or tries to dominate his wife, its not called biblical headship. It is called selfishness and abuse of power.

Proverbs 1: 1 Chase Away Anger

Husband verbally abuses wife in public l First broadcast on 08/26/2016 l WWYD

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

~ Proverbs 15:1

Solomon gives us sound advice on how to deal with rage. According to him, a soft or compassionate response can defuse a potentially combustible situation.

A mild reaction chases away wrath: When individuals approach us in fury, we are most likely to respond harshly.

Wisdom teaches us the value of a gentle response, one that lacks harsh edges or points. That type of response has the potential to deflect anger.

Most times, we use sarcasm as though we would rather lose a buddy than lose a point in a debate. All of the worlds justifications.

However, the Gospel lays our Saviors example before us and imbues us with his spirit, so we must be careful not to cause a chafed or wounded soul.

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Please Listen To Me: God Does Not Want You Treated Like This

If you are married to a controlling husband, God is grieved. He does not want you treated like this. And He does not want your husbandGods sonacting in this horrible way. By you standing up to your husband, or simply removing yourself from the situation , you allow you and your children a chance to heal and experience Gods love. But you may also give your husband the push he needs to work on his own issues.

Q: What Can I Do About The Harsh And Hurtful Things My Husband Says To Me

A: We are sorry to learn of the frustration and pain you have experienced as a result of your husbands hurtful words. It is distressing to be on the receiving end of very cutting and abrupt comments that wound ones spirit.

Some people, for reasons known only to themselves, often speak to others in this manner. Sometimes a harsh and insensitive attitude shields a person who himself has been wounded by the remarks of others. In any case, we can understand the problems you are having. Remember that God loves you, and you are important in His sight. He loves you so much that He sent Christ to die for your sins.

As you focus on the fact that God loves you and considers you precious to Him, there will be a real difference in your life. Your sense of self-worth does not need to depend on the opinion of others.

Be sure you do not act toward your husband in the way he acts toward you. It is easy in a situation like yours to do just that. But that does not solve the problemit only makes it worse. The Bible tells us, A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger . It also says, A wholesome tongue is a tree of life . Affirm and support your loved one in your conversations. Your example may help him to learn to do the same for you. Read also Ephesians 4:29-32.

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Friends Partners And Lovers: What It Takes To Make Your Marriage Work

Most marriages survive by gritting teeth and holding on. But marriages can and will not only survive but thrive when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another. Those are the powerful words of bestselling author Gary Thomas in his newest bookCherish. And in a world desperate for marriage redemption, it is needed now more than ever. Thomas shows that although there are a countless number of marriages consisting of two people just going through the motions, there are real ways this pattern can be reversed: when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another in proven, loving, and everyday actions and words.

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Understanding The Root Of Your Childs Misbehavior

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Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their childs behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your childs temperament based on his birth order.

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What Does The Bible Say About Abusiveness

Matthew 7:2 For God will judge you in the same way as you judge others, and he will apply to you the same rules you apply to others. Brethren, do not be surprise to hear that it will be done unto you just as you do unto others. Our thoughts, words, and actions towards others are like seeds being sowed. One day, we will have to harvest what we previously planted. And for sure, everyone will harvest just what he/she planted. In this light, the wise will sow seeds of love, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, gentleness, peace, and holiness through Christ. Its not possible to sow seeds of hatred, jealousy, wickedness, abusiveness, and disrespect yet expect to harvest something else. Let us strive for a holy life and by the grace of God in Christ, well be able to please God and benefit from His favor.

Bible Verses About Abusive Marriages

Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?And He answered and said, Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female,and said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, andthe two shall become one flesh?read more.So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.They *said to Him, Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?He *said to them, Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives but from the beginning it has not been this way.And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.

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Healing From Abuse Or Toxic Relationships

Psalm 147:3 tells us that God “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Only God’s healing power can truly restore peace to a broken or traumatized heart. Unfortunately, many victims of abuse spend a lot of time waiting and hoping for the abuser to come and make amends to repair the damage they caused. Yes, it’s important for the abuser to take responsibility for seeking reconciliation and forgiveness, but there is no guarantee that they ever will. They may not be aware of the damage they’ve done, or they may not care. But Jesus cares and promises to care for those in pain, especially kids .

Rest assured that the Lord Jesus cares for His brothers and sisters. He gave His life for you to show you how much He loves you . There is no way He will leave you without comfort, peace, healingand vindication .


If a friend in your life is tearing you down, it’s time to distance yourself. Friends are supposed to help and support each other . Pray for friends who will lift you up. If a family member is abusing you, seek help immediately, especially if you live with them. Give yourself the grace of time to healphysically, emotionally, spiritually. Seek counseling if you need to it’s OK. Jesus loves you dearly , and He will not leave you without comfort, peace, healingand vindication . Ask God to help you see your abuser through His eyes so your future responses will be out of godly love rather than hate, bitterness, or fear.

Writer/Editor: Catiana N.K.


Giving Up Sugar Tasting Gods Goodness

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As a latchkey kid, Wendy Speake turned to sugar for comfort. Every Friday, she would pedal to the candy show and use her allowance to fill her bag with candy. And one day, when she was older and a mom of three young boys, she came to realize that she was still pedaling away from her stress and using sugar as comfort, instead of turning to Jesus. She was joyless, worn out, tired, and in need of a change. In this interview, Wendy will challenge Christians to take 40 days to focus on fasting from something they turn to instead of Jesus for comfort. She invited people to break free from a dependence on sugar and taste the goodness of God.

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