The Biblical Model For Conflict Resolution
Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:1517 give us a clear path for dealing with a friend or family member who is sinning against us.
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
There are four steps outlined in this passage that tells us how to deal with a matter of sin.
1. Go to the person one on one.
If you see sin in a friend’s or family member’s life, go to that one. If you have a problem with someone, speak to him or her first. Talking it out as two people, honestly and in love, is by far the best first approach. You never know you could be perceiving the situation wrong or your friend might repent without having to take the matter any further.
2. Bring another along.
3. Tell it to the church.
If neither the first nor second approach works, it is time to bring it to the church. Note, the assumption is that the church is a loving fellowship that will not bring a charge with impure motives.
What Does Biblical Conflict Resolution Look Like
We need to do everything with a spirit of kindness, compassion, and love. Conflict resolutions should not be done out of hostility, anger, or pride. Biblical conflict resolution is seeking out restoration of relationships and peace to return to the relationship.
- Vivian BrickerContributing Writer
- 202128 Dec
Conflicts can be controversial, stressful, and draining. Whenever there is a conflict, it is essential for Christians to have proper biblical conflict resolution. Conflict resolution needs to be practiced by all people because conflicts cannot be left untreated.
Conflicts have to be resolved in order for relationships, work environments, and churches to once again have peace. If conflicts are left unresolved, problems, broken relationships, and bitterness can grow.
Conflict Is Stirred Up By A Greedy Heart
The greedy stir up conflict, but those who trust in the Lord will prosper .
A person who takes more than what they need in order to fill the desires of their flesh can cause much conflict at home, work, and school. Much conflict can be averted as believers demonstrate the spirit of generosity of their wealth, time, and energy. Greediness shouldnt be named among believers as the Lord is the source of everything we need.
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Bible Verses About Conflict Resolution
If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private if he listens to you, you have won your brother.But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses everyfact may be confirmed.If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword,But the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous love does not brag and is not arrogant,does not act unbecomingly it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth read more.bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.For,The one who desires life, to love and see good days,Must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.He must turn away from evil and do good He must seek peace and pursue it.
To Resolve Conflicts Resist The Devil
The liberal German scholar, Rudolph Bultmann, wrote, It is impossible to use electric light and the wireless, and to avail ourselves of modern medical and surgical discoveries, and at the same time believe in the New Testament world of demons and spirits . Take your pick: either Bultmann is right, or Jesus and the New Testament writers are right!
While often Satan does not need to involve himself or his demonic forces in our conflicts , there are times when demons are directly involved in disrupting our relationships. While it would be out of line to see a demon behind every quarrel, it is also out of line and naïve to think that demons are never involved.
One author has gained a lot of popularity writing several books outlining numerous steps to overcome Satans power in your life . The Bible is a bit more simpleone step: Resist the devil and he will flee from you. We get our word antihistamine from the Greek word translated resist. It means to stand against or oppose. Paul uses it with reference to spiritual warfare in Ephesians 6:13, Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.
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In Conflict We Must Have The Right Attitude
The first principle necessary to resolve conflict is to have the right attitudeone of joyful expectation in God. It is good to remember that conflict does not necessarily have to be detrimental to a marriage relationship. Conflict, as with all trials, is meant to test our faith, reveal sin in our hearts, develop character, and draw us closer to God . Paul said this: Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance perseverance, character and character, hope . Similarly, James said, Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance . Paul said that we should rejoice in sufferings, and James said we should consider it pure joy when we encounter them because of Gods purposes in them. God does not waste suffering, including conflict within marriage. God uses conflict to make us grow into the image of Christ , which should be our ultimate goal.
Many times God uses our spouse as sand paper to smooth out areas in our life that dont reflect Christ. It has often been said, Marriage is not about happiness it is about holiness. And when we are holy, then we will truly be happy. In marriage, we enter the ultimate accountability relationship, which is meant to help us grow as Gods children .
Conflict Needs To Be Resolved Before Leaving A Gift To God
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them then come and offer your gift .
God cares about our squabblesin marriages, families, church, work, or friendships. Conflicts must be dealt with and not ignored. The Lord loves His family and wants us to live in harmony with each other. We cant bypass the conflicts and go straight to give gifts to GodHe wants us to take the difficult steps of being reconciled to each other.
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Bible Verses About Conflict
If you are like me you dont know anyone who likes conflict. We experience conflict when there are disagreements, misunderstandings or simply poor communication. During these time we need to refer to Bible verses about conflict!
The way we respond to conflict can either takes us down a path to a healthy resolution or a path of long-term strife.
Those of us who call ourselves Christians are called to a higher standard. However, the Bible is packed with scripture to help us!
Check out these amazing words of wisdom found in the Bible!
Take The Initiative To Resolve The Conflict
The moment you sense a problem in your relationship, take the first step toward righting iteven if you think the other person was wrong and youve done nothing to provoke him or her. Approach the person face-to-face. Conflict seldom is completely resolvable via e-mail, letters, texting, or phone calls because we cant read each others face, eyes, or body language.
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them then come and offer your gift. Matthew 18:15
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Focus On Goals Bigger Than Your Personal Differences
Before starting a discussion, establish that the relationship is more important than any disagreement. If you focus on whats keeping you apart, it will be much harder to reach the goal of working on priorities out together.
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:3
Biblical Guidelines For Conflict Resolution
10 Biblical Steps for Conflict Resolution
Church is family, and families sometimes fight. Its an unfortunate part of the reality of community life. But when conflict is handled well, it can actually bring us closer together, rather than divide us. So the question is not if we will have disagreements, but whether we will be a healthy family, not a dysfunctional one in how we deal with it. To be healthy we must handle conflict in the Biblical way, and when we do so well find that good can come out of it.
When you find yourself in conflict, the following are the rules of engagement at Heritage, as they are derived directly from Gods Word. Follow these steps prayerfully under the guidance of the Spirit.
Surrender to Jesus
The most important thing to do is to put Jesus at the very center of all you say, think and do. Surrender yourself to Jesus in every way. He asks you, Will you lay down your life for me? Bathe the situation in prayer for humility, love, grace, unity, forgiveness, truth. Pray for the Holy Spirits guidance at each moment. Pray against the evil one, lies, pride, disunity, division, selfishness, self-deception, unforgiveness. Ask God to give you His heart and to see through His eyes. Pray for the other brother or sister .
Go toward conflict, not away.
Be quick to listen.
Take responsibility for your part and apologize.
Speak the truth in love
Get help if needed.
Walk it out.
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Christian Counseling For Conflict Resolution In Marriage
If you are experiencing some frustration or confusion over this issue, Christian counseling is a great place to begin to sort that out. Find a counselor today as you seek to learn more about conflict resolution in marriage.
Change is possible. With the help of a good Christian counselor, you can begin to find the solutions you are seeking.
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In a world increasingly indifferent to Christian truth, followers of Christ need to be equipped to communicate with those who do not speak their language or accept their source of authority. In Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition, Gregory Koukl demonstrates how to artfully regain control of conversations, keeping them moving forward in constructive ways through thoughtful diplomacy. Youll learn how to stop challengers in their tracks and how to turn the tables on questions or provocative statements. Most important, youll learn how to get people thinking about Jesus.
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In Conflict We Must Be Willing To Sacrifice
Intrinsic to the Christian life is sacrifice. We follow a Savior who left heaven and all the worship offered to him there to come to earth as a servant and die for the sins of the world. True followers of Christ should be known by sacrifice. In fact, Christ said that one could not be his disciple without taking up his cross daily . This life of a sacrifice should be especially displayed when in conflict. Paul said this to the Philippian church who was struggling with an internal conflict :
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:Philippians 2:3-5
In the context of a call to unity , Paul said the Philippians should do nothing out of selfish ambition. The primary reason couples struggle with discord is because of selfishness. One person wants this, while the other wants that. However, Paul said to do nothing out of selfish ambition. In conflict, one must ask, Is this desire something God wants, as displayed in his Word, or is this my preference? Most conflicts are over selfish preferences instead of over something that genuinely matters, such as loving God and loving others, the two greatest commandments .
Bible Verses About Resolving Conflict
Bible verses related to Resolving Conflict from the King James Version by Relevance
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Verses That Teach Us How To Handle Conflict
2. You have heard that it was said, Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth. But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.Matthew 5:38-42
3. If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.Matthew 18:15
4. So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them and if they repent, forgive them.Luke 17:3
5. A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.John 13:34
6. In your anger do not sin Do not let the sun go down while you are still angryEphesians 4:26
7. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.Ephesians 4:29
8. ..not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.Philippians 2:4
10. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.Colossians 3:13
In Conflict We Must Sow Good Seeds
Not only must we have the right attitude when encountering conflict, but we also must sow the right seeds to resolve it. Paul said that whatever we sow, we will also reap . Sowing and reaping is a principle God set throughout the earth, and it is at work within every marriage as well. If we sow negative seeds, we will reap negative fruit. It we sow positive seeds, we will reap positive fruit.
Sadly, even though we all want a positive harvest in our marriage, we typically respond in ways that are counter to that. A wife wants her husband to spend more time with her, but in order to get that, she criticizes him. The fruit she desires is opposite of the seed she is sowing. The seed of criticism will only produce a negative fruit in her husband. Similarly, a husband, who wants intimacy with his wife, actually begins to withdraw from her. He withdraws hoping that this will draw her closer, but it actually does the opposite. The negative seed of withdrawing cannot produce the positive fruit of intimacy.
In conflict, we must do the opposite of what our nature desires. We may have a desire to raise our voice, and/or to hurt the other person, but these seeds will only produce negative fruits and potentially destruction in the marriage. To resolve conflict, we must always sow the right seeds.
Similarly, consider what Paul taught about how we should respond to an enemy. He said:
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Discuss How To Avoid Future Conflict
Set ground rules for the relationship going forward to prevent this same source of conflict reoccurring. Close with prayer.
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. Proverbs 17:14
Learning how to resolve conflict the biblical way allows us to keep our cool and humbly communicate in a peaceful, loving mannerChrists way. Unresolved conflict causes unrest, disunity, anger, revenge, gossip, and unkindnessSatans way.
When we resist Satan by adopting Christ-like behavior, the enemy retreatsat least for the moment. Hell be back with a new strategy, but dont allow him to get a foothold.
You know how to make him retreat again.