Is It Wrong To Have Sexual Urges In The First Place
Maybe you’re thinking, “I’m too young to get married, but I still have sexual urges!” Friend, you’re not alone. Many unmarried adults feel the same. They aren’t ready for marriage or haven’t met someone they want to marry yet, but they STILL get sexual urges. Porn is wrong. Having sex outside of marriage is wrong. If abstinence is what God asks of unmarried people, then what can an unmarried person do with those feelings?
Just as being attracted to another person is not a sin, simply having sexual urges is not a sin. Can we repeat that? Having legitimate sexual desire is NOT A SIN. If you ever feel shame or self-hate for your sexuality or sexual desire, please please please look at 1 Corinthians 7:9 as a source of peace rather than condemnation.
Paul addresses the “unmarried and widows” with this: “But if cannot exercise self-control, should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” . He’s not saying that if you can’t exercise self-control, you should just stay single until the desire goes away. No, he’s saying that your sexual desire and sexuality is a normal part of being human and may be sanctified through a committed marriage to a loving spouse.
Yeah, but…I’m still single.
We hear you. Maybe you’d love to get married if you could find the right person or if your right person would say yes. Are you “doomed” to a life of abstinence?
Be Part Of A Church That Will Help You Fight Fornication
Especially in a sexually permissive culture, you need a church that engages sex biblically. While sex is good , sexual sin makes us lawbreakers in need of redemption; the church cannot waffle on this. But faithful churches will also provide hope for all sinners. Pauls Corinthian audience was exhausted by sexual sin and weighted down by guilt. He preached Christ as the only one who could cure restless desires . We should not expect to see fornicators, adulterers, and homosexuals converted to Christ if we do not meet them with the grace of the gospel.
More concretely, believers must open their homes to single people, providing a haven of companionship and a respite from long hours alone in which temptation can gain strength. We should prepare to respond with prayerful and sympathetic love to those courageous enough to confess sexual sin. In this way we help bear their burden . Caring friends will also offer to singles the platonic physical affection practiced by Jesus and his disciples . One single friend put it this way: If appropriate intimacy doesnt come from somewhere else like God or friends, it is pretty much a given that singles will be either emotionally suffering or falling into sin. We can learn from many non-western cultures the sacramental art of appropriate physical contact.
Understand The Threat Of Sexual Sin
This might sound insensitive. As Tevye said, Send us;the;cure.;Weve;got the;sickness already!;But, as Calvin wrote, Scripture stresses the enormity of wickedness and baseness to help us fear its threat. Pauls warning to flee sexual immorality is like a governors hurricane evacuation order: if you are unmoved by the danger you will not flee.
Sexual sin is uniquely destructive. All sins degrade our integrity and erode our joy in the Lord. Still, He who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body . Fornication isnt the worst sin, but Charles Hodge is right: It is altogether peculiar in its effects upon the body; not so much in its physical as in its moral and spiritual effects.
Sex joins two lives in an act of unparalleled closeness . It engages and expresses the whole personality in such a way as to constitute a unique mode of self-disclosure. When the sex act is committed outside of marriage it loses its covenant-making power for you, even if you get married. Ironically, then, sex outside of marriage eventually works backwards, making you;less;able to commit and trust another person. Eugene Peterson is blunt: Fornication is love reduced to sex. This kind of sex, depersonalized for mere consumption, whatever the initial pleasures experienced, soon turns ugly, degrades, and eventually destroys intimacy. Sexual consumerismsex minus a divinely sanctioned commitmentmakes us view others as commodities rather than treasures.
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Are You Ready To Surrender Your Sex Life To God
I know how hard it is to stop having sex, which is why I created this free, 7-day resist temptation devotional, which includes bible verses and prayers to pray when you are tempted.
I also created an online course, Pursuing Purity, that walks through the steps I took to overcome my sexual past and walk in purity.
If youre ready to receive the blessings and future husband that God has for you, Pursuing Purity will give you the tools to throw off your sexual past and walk in purity.
If youre ready to surrender this area to God, pray and confess your sins and sexual past to God. Choose to repent, turn and run in the opposite direction from the people, places, or activities that had caused you to sin in the past.
And break off ungodly soul ties from your past so you can be free from those past relationships that are holding you back.
Abstaining From Sexual Immorality
We also see sexual immorality a lot in the Bible. But what does sexual immorality really mean?
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; – 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming.” – Colossians 3: 5-6
God tells us to flee from sexual sin & to abstain from sexual immorality.
Sexual immorality comes from the Greek word porneia, which means any sexual activity outside of marriage, illicit sexual activity or fornification.
So while God does not explicitly say we are to refrain from sex outside of marriage, he makes it clear in the Bible that we are to abstain from sexual immorality, which includes sex before marriage as well as other sexual activity that would be considered sexual sin.
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What Is Premarital Sex
As per the dictionary meaning, premarital sex is when two adults, who are not married to each other, are involved in consensual sex. In many countries, premarital sex is against societal norms and beliefs, but the younger generation is quite okay to explore the physical relationship before getting married to anyone.
Premarital sex statistics from the recent study shows that 75% of the Americans below the age of 20 have had premarital sex. The number increases to 95% by age 44. It is quite shocking to see how people are quite okay to establish a relationship with someone even before getting married.
Premarital sex can be attributed to liberal thinking and new-age media, which portrays this as perfectly fine. However, what most people forget that premarital sex exposes people to a lot of diseases and future complications.
Bible has laid down specific rules when it comes to establishing a physical relationship before marriage. Lets have a look at these verses and analyze them accordingly.
What Does The Bible Say About Sex
The Bible tells us that God created sex. It is a meaningful act of love between a husband and wife to give oneself completely to another within the covenant relationship of marriage.
So God created man;in His;own;image; in the image of God He created him;;male and female He created them.;
Then God blessed them, and God said to them,;Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and;subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that;moves on the earth.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and;be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not;ashamed.
Genesis 1:27-28; 2:24-25 NKJV
Proverbs 5:18-19 is another verse that celebrates sex within marriage. The Song of Solomon is also an entire book in the Bible that talks about the sexual marriage relationship between a husband and wife.
Thus, from these passages of scripture, we can see that sex is good and can be enjoyed with Gods blessing between one man and one woman in covenant marriage.
God is very serious about sex being only within the confines of marriage. Any sex outside of marriage is considered to be sinful.
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge;the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Hebrews 13:4 ESV
There are several verses in the Bible that give strong warnings against premarital sex and sex outside of marriage.
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Is Sex Before Marriage Forbidden In The Bible
Here is a Spiritual Conundrum submitted to Spiritual Insights for Everyday Life by a reader named Kimberly:
Hi Lee! I was wondering if sex before marriage is forbidden in the Bible. . . and if it is, why? I have a hard time understanding what could be so destructive about two people who genuinely care about each other having safe sex. Ive been leaning towards the thought that sin is anything that keeps you away from Gods love. . . if this is true, then how would premarital sex fit into the equation? If youre not hurting anybody, can it be so wrong? What about having multiple partners?
Just for the record, this is the same Kimberly who posed the Spiritual Conundrum that I responded to in the article, Its not fair that God made some people incredibly beautiful, and others just average!
Sex is a highly sensitive subject these days. Saying almost anything clear and definite about it is bound to offend somebody.
But . . . Spiritual Insights for Everyday Life is not designed to win any popularity contests. Its intended to offer a deeper Biblical and spiritual understanding of many issues that we face in todays world. So well just charge right into itand you, dear reader, can make up your own mind.
The reality is that the Bible is nowhere near as clear about sex before marriage as many Christians seem to think it is. In fact, though the Bible does generally condemn sexual immorality, there is no clear prohibition against premarital sex in the Bible.
The Communal Aspect Of Marriage
Different cultures have different ways of arranging marriage and marking the marital bond. Not surprisingly, then, the Bible doesnt require all marriages to be sealed in a church ceremony or with a state-authorized license.
Still, whatever the time and place, biblical marriage always includes a distinctly communal aspect.;Its first understood in;a couples decision to leave their parents and cleave to one another. With that step, they start a new family unit as a part of general human society.
In other words, marriage involves a couples public commitment to build a strong and lasting relationship. That relationship isnt only a foundation for the nurturing of their own children; its also a building block of social stability and a contribution to the well-being of the broader community.
In Bible times, that communal part of marriage was overseen almost exclusively by the family. However, in 21st-century America, it also involves the state and for serious believers, the Church.
What about Mary and Joseph? Well, betrothals in ancient Judaism werent like modern engagements. A betrothal did require that the couple not have sex until after the wedding ceremony. But aside from this, the relationship a betrothal established was every bit as binding and permanent as what we normally think of as marriage.
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Is It A Sin To Have Sex Before Marriage
Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning Beautiful Christian Life LLC may get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through its links, at no cost to you.
Do you know unmarried couples who attend church, have consensual sex, and may even live together? According to a study by the Barna Group,
The majority of American adults believe cohabitation is generally a good idea. Two thirds of adults either strongly or somewhat agree that its a good idea to live with ones significant other before getting married, compared to one-third who either strongly or somewhat disagree.
Of the 65 percent of American adults who are okay with cohabitation, a good number of them identify themselves as Christians. In fact, 41 percent of practicing Christians surveyed approved of living together before marriage. While this figure is far below the 88 percent approval by people who do not profess any kind of faith, the fact that over 40 percent of self-professing Christians tolerate cohabitation attests to the far-reaching effects of secular culture upon believers.
The reasons people marry today are not necessarily the same as what has motivated couples to exchange vows throughout history. According to Roxanne Stone, editor in chief at Barna Group,
Scripture uses the word porneía;in regard to the temptation to engage in sexual activity outside of marriage:
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality , each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
What Does The Bible Say About Oral Sex
There are two veiled passages in the Bible that many theologians believe pertain to oral sex. The first is Song of Solomon 2:3: Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. The word fruit refers to the male genitals and in biblical references. It is sometimes equated with the male genitals or with semen; so, it is possible that this passage is a reference to an oral genital caress.
The second possible veiled reference is found in Song of Solomon 4:16: Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. These erotic words spoken by Solomons bride are at the climax of a very sensuous love scene. It seems Shulamith asks her husband to blow on her garden and cause its spices to flow out. Of course, one cannot be certain, but it is possible Shulamith is inviting her husband to excite her by caressing her with his mouth. She then invites him to enter her and feast on the pleasures waiting in her garden.
Is Premarital Sex A Sin Our Conclusion:
What the Bible;says about premarital sex should serve as a reminder to us all. I think most people wondering whether sex before marriage is a sin or not have an innate hunch to the answer. While this article references multiple Bible verses on the topic, it barely skims the complete wisdom via Bible verses about sex before marriage.
If you have found yourself becoming defensive or angry as you read this, youre not the only one. In response, I encourage all of us to truly reflect upon the why, before jumping to fight the Bibles answer on the question of sex before marriage. Sex was meant for marriage, and God will give you the grace to live a life faithful to that if you continually turn to Him in true humility and ask.
Contrary to what the world will tell you, Christianity isn’t about living your life the way you want to all the time, it’s about doing the right thing, even when it’s hard. Sexual purity isn’t always easy, but it’s crucial to keep in mind that sex is a gift, sex is sacred, and sex is created for marriage. So, waiting until marriage is the right choice.
If you find yourself struggling with this, pray to St. Joseph, as he is a saint who lived with great chastity! Consider starting a devotional or novena to him with the intention of living a chaste life.;
Sex Is For Married Spouses
In many verses about sex in marriageincluding one of the ten commandmentsit is very clear that God does not approve of sex outside of marriage, and also he does not approve sex with partners to which the person is not married. But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul .
In Bible verses about marriage and sex, he goes on to describe the seriousness of this sin. And the man that committeth adultery with another mans wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbors wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death
. But if an adulterer is truly sorry and willing to repent, he will forgive. In John 8, he forgives a woman taken in adultery. Others questioned him, but as she was willing to seek Jesus, he knew she was sorry for the sin.
The Bible is a tremendous spiritual resource as we learn all we must do to follow Jesus Christs teachings. In the holy book, God even offers insight into different aspects of marriage, including sex.
As we study its scripture about sex in marriage, we can more fully apply its principles into our own lives.
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