Sex Is A Reflection Of The Loving Goodness Of God
God created sex. God made our bodies very good with male and female parts and pleasures. When our first parents consummated their covenant, God was not shocked or horrified, because He created our bodies for sex. The reason that sex is fun, wonderful and pleasurable is because it is the reflection of the loving goodness of God who created it as gift for us to steward and to enjoy: That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame .
Lets Start With What The Bible Does Say
We should avoid sexual sin. The Bible indicates the following are sin:
fornication/unmarried sex adultery/sex with someone other than your spouse homosexuality/sex with someone the same gender beastiality/sex with an animal prostitution/sex for sale incest/sex with a near relative
We are to have sex only in marriage one man with one woman.
We are expected to lovingly meet the legitimate sexual needs and wants of our spouse .
All these are direct biblical commands. In addition there are requirements set out for us as believers , which add the following restrictions:
Love for our spouse and respect for the bodies and minds God created requires us to avoid anything that can cause harm:
physically
We should never push our spouse to compromise their beliefs.
We should not be controlled by anything.
Anything that does not violate these principles should be okay within the marriage bed. That said, its important that our sexual activities create a sense of intimacy and oneness as a couple. Its also important for a couple to have regular intercourse if they are able to.
While the Bible does not speak to this, science has shown that all sex is not alike and intercourse has an effect on our bodies, minds, and emotions that no other sex act can match.1
To help us understand the variety of sex acts possible and the fact that each couple will engage in a different subset of these sex acts, we like the analogy of a playground.
We Are To Satisfy Our Partner’s Sexual Needs
The Bible describes the pleasure that husbands find in marriage with these words: Rejoice with the wife of your youth.Let her own her breasts intoxicate you at all times. With her love may you be in an ecstasy constantly . This doesnt mean that wives are excluding from pleasure in their marriage with their husbands. God also intends for wives to enjoy sex. The Bible says that husbands and wives should satisfy each others sexual needs: Let the husband give to his wife her due, and let the wife also do likewise to her husband .
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His Left Hand Is Under My Head And His Right Hand Embraces Mesong Of Solomon : 6
I don’t know how many times and, on how many platforms, I have shared that, when it comes to the problems that husbands and wives bring to me, 90 percent of them are directly connected to sexual dissatisfaction on some level. Some are not having sex as much as they would like . Others say that they never have time for sex . Others don’t realize that things like boredom, not emotionally connecting throughout the day, and a lack of “landscaping” are doing all sorts of damage to their sexual relationship . The reasons are endless. Yet, the one thing that all of the explanations have in common is, when a husband and wife are physically able to have sex and aren’t, it’s not healthy for a relationship. Not only that but, more times than not, the “unhealthiness” is going to manifest in other areas of the marriage too.
That’s why I think that this verse of the Bible is important. It’s mostly due to the word “embrace”.
Embracing your spouse is not just about giving them a hug. It’s also about receiving them gladly and eagerly, accepting them willingly and making yourself available to them. This one simple sentence speaks volumes to the fact that when you’re married, it’s important to make your spouse a top priority and to want them to feel desired in a physical and sexual way.
Why Cunnilingus Is Important For Women
Multiple studies have confirmed that many women cannot have orgasms from penile-vaginal intercourse alone.
Consider these numbers from an article on Psychology Today entitled Why So Many Women Dont Have Orgasms:
One : 96 percent of the men had orgasms.
Two : 95 percent.
One : 50 percent of the women reported orgasms.
Two : 71 percent.
Three : 86 percent.
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Therefore A Man Shall Leave His Father And His Mother And Shall Become United And Cleave To His Wife And They Shall Become One Flesh And The Man And His Wife Were Both Naked And Were Not Embarrassed Or Ashamed In Each Others Presencegenesis : 24
There’s a reason why I chose to go with the word “erotic” over something that might seem more subdued like, perhaps, sensual in the title of this piece. Sensual speaks of being carnal, fleshly and having a “lack moral restraints”.
Quite frankly, I think that is a big problem with Bible followers and how they process the topic of sex they see it through the eyes of being sensual rather than being erotic”arousing or satisfying sexual desire” and “sexual love”. Personally, that’s why I also think a lot of people who grew up in the Church struggle with the very clear instruction that is found in Genesis 2 they feel naked and ashamed because the Church has a tendency to focus more on sexual sin than the beauty of the gift of sex for married people.
If you add that to the fact that a lot of folks struggle with their body imageit’s no wonder that many husbands and wives are biblically disobedient. Disobedient how? Well, the Word clearly states that a husband and his wife, whenever they are naked in each other’s presence, they are not to be embarrassed or ashamed .
Man, imagine how much the sex lives of couples all over the world would change for the better, if spouses got this point down alone? If they realized that God never intended for a husband and wife to be naked and ashamed when it comes to how they feel in each other’s presence or when it comes to the act of sex itself. Talk about gettin’and stayin’free.
Husbands Owe It To Wives
Many historians think that the most surprising thing the Bible says about sex is found in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4:
the husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
One scholar, for example, puts it this way:
The marked mutuality of Pauls comments was, however, revolutionary in the ancient world where patriarchy was the norm. For the husband to have authority over his wifes body was nothing special. Pauls following statement affirming the reverse, that the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does, clearly pointed to a radical and unprecedented restriction on the husbands sexual freedom. It communicates, negatively, his obligation to refrain from engaging in sexual relations with anyone other than his wife and, positively, his obligation to fulfill his marital duty to provide her with sexual pleasure and satisfaction.
The idea that sex was to be mutual and that the husband owed it to his wife and that the wife had a right to claim it from the husband was revolutionary! It was unprecedented! No one had ever said anything like this, anywhere else in the ancient world.
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Is Oral Sex Considered A Sin
While the Bible doesn’t mention oral sex, many still have questions about whether or not it’s considered sinful, if it’s “safe” to do it before marriage, or if husbands and wives can engage in oral sex within their marriage. Some believe that oral sex is an ungodly sexual perversion and is never OK in any context. Some hold the opinion that oral sex doesn’t “count” as premarital sex because it’s not actual sexual intercourse. But let’s take a look at some biblical principles to help us unwind this tangle of misunderstandings.
The Enjoyment Of Her Body
One of the biggest cultural stereotypes is of men who ogle women. Well, it is a stereotype that has quite a bit of foundation behind it. It is commonly seen and portrayed, from what happens on the street to what it shown in movies and TV. And it is not in God’s plan. Jesus clearly taught that looking at a woman in lust was the same as adultery . However, put into biblical perspective, the male enjoyment of the female body can be both godly and enriching. Unfortunately, because of sin and sinful behaviors, it can be challenging to appreciate the rightness of a husband loving the view of his wife’s body. We have often heard wives express that it really bothers them how their husband likes to touch them sensually and sexually . It may really bother them how easily their husbands become aroused when they see their wife naked or when they get in bed with their naked or lightly clothed wife. It has caused some women to stop dressing in front of their husbands. For others, they wear their pajamas like protective armor.
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What Does The Bible Say About Oral Sex
Recently, I learned of a precious woman that was getting tasteful and beautiful boudoir photos done for her husband. The reason why is because she had always been inhibited concerning sex due to incorrect admonitions from her father. The message she received was sex is bad, its only for procreation, and Jesus is watching you.
The views of the church concerning marriage and sex within marriage began to change between 100-500 AD. Marriage became sinful and sex was shameful. Tertullian and St. Ambrose were both proponents of such doctrine, a doctrine of devils. Much of it came from misinterpreting Pauls teachings on marriage. The SUM of the Word is truth. God conducted the first marriage. Shame didnt come until the fall. I believe He has the best idea for mankind and the last word.
Ancient Biblical Views of Sex
Among the ancients, sex was not something shameful. In fact, most cultures worshiped gods that were sex gods. Paintings, frescoes, reliefs, and idols of a sexual nature were a common part of life. Prostitutes were temple servants for different gods and goddesses. Sex as considered a form of worship.
Now, of course, we know that is not the case for the woman of God. The Jewish culture held sex as something holy but private. They didnt view the sexual act between a husband and wife as shameful. In fact, the book, Song of Solomon, is about the sexual intimacy between a husband and wife. For example, read this verse in chapter 1.
What about Oral Sex?
Things You Should Know About Oral Sex
Ah, oral sex the first posts I wrote about it were oh-so-popular. I mean, really a Christian wife talking about blow jobs? Yet, its been a while since I revisited this topic.
Now if you want my best tips on giving and receiving oral sex, check out my book, Hot, Holy, and Humorous: Sex in Marriage by Gods Design, in which I have a whole chapter just talking about this particular form of sexual intimacy.
But today, I thought Id cover five things you should know about oral sex especially for those who have been reluctant to try it .
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Does The Bible Prohibit Sex Before Marriage
28. Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Dont you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So, you must honor God with your body.
29. Gods will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways
30. Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
31. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.
32. Song of Solomon 2:7 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
33. Matthew 15:19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.
How Can I Overcome Sexual Temptation
Overcoming sexual temptation whether married or unmarried involves being intentional about protecting yourself from situations where temptation might be overwhelming like heavy petting when dating. But even married people might find themselves drawn to someone other than their spouse.
Remember just because feelings of lust pop up, you dont have to give in to them. Sin is not your master. You can resist the devil, and he will flee from you. You have power over your desires exercise that power! How? Keep yourself out of situations that might lead you to sexual immorality. If youre dating, curb physical affection and avoid being alone together too much.
If youre married, guard against getting too close emotionally to someone. Many adulterous affairs begin with a close emotional connection, so be careful that no one supplants your emotional relationship with your spouse.
Where are your eyes drifting? Set a guard over your eyes. Exercise great caution with your computer, phone, and TV.
I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.
Anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Above all, nurture your marriage! Work at keeping bonded emotionally. Carve out time to have fun together, find ways to reignite sexual excitement and emotional connection. Schedule date nights, remember to engage in thoughtful behaviors throughout the day, and sit down for some passionate kissing.
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Behold You Are Handsome My Beloved Yes Pleasant Also Our Bed Is Greensong Of Solomon : 16
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This, hands down, is one of my favorite verses in the Bible when it comes to cultivating sexual intimacy. While on the surface, it might not seem like much, take a moment to look deeper. First of all, the Bible was translated out of the Hebrew language and the Hebrew word for beloved is “yadid” . It also means favorite and desired.
While many of us aren’tor won’t bevirgins on our wedding night, something that we can definitely strive to be with our spouse is their sexual favorite. Something else that we canand shoulddo is want to make them feel like we desire them. That we crave them. That we long for them. That they are able to ignite sexual urges within us that no one on this planet can.
There’s more, though. Our bed is green. Green is a dope color. It’s not just the color of nature , it also symbolizes health, harmony, safety, growth and fertility. The very first time that I read this verse, I was like, “If I ever get married, I’m getting some green bedding, fa sho.” So married people, even if you only decide to go with a plant, consider also putting something green in your bedroom. It can serve as a reminder that your marriage bed is holistically healthyemotionally, spiritually, sexually and otherwise.
Dealing With Shame Around Oral Sex
If youâre feeling any sort of religious-based shame for enjoying oral sex, remember: âThe Bible talks about the body being beautiful â it is the temple of your spirit,â says Robertson. âSo, as long as you are being respectful to yourself and others, you absolutely have the freedom to explore and enjoy pleasure. There is nothing shameful about it.â
Keeping this in mind can help you combat shame that may pop up from past negative teachings or lectures. It can also help to explore resources that address religion, sex, and shame. One such resource is Beyond Shame: Creating A Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Termsby Matthias Roberts. The author studied theology and wrote the book to combat the shame many people who grew up in the church feel around sex. In the book, youâll find ways to determine what a healthy, non-shame-based sex life looks like for you. â
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