Have I Fully Forgiven My Ex
After reading this question you may be feeling like this is completely impossible because of all that your ex did to you, but we are called to forgive everyone and not to hold hatred in our hearts.
You must forgive your ex not only for you but because it is something that God has called you to do. Forgiveness does not mean that you are justifying what your ex did, but instead that you are giving that over to God and releasing your control over the situation.
If you do not forgive your ex-spouse before becoming remarried then you will bring that into your future marriage. Doing this will keep you from being able to fully move on, and potentially cause you to bring up your ex to your current spouse.
I recommend seeking counseling or talking to a trusted pastor to help you walk through this.
Remember to seek God first, before you seek someone else. Pray and seek the Lord for guidance being getting remarried.
Are There Exceptions That Allow Us To Divorce & Remarry In The Bible
While remarrying in the Bible is not explicitly stated, we know through the teaching authority of the Church that the only exception allowing for divorce and remarriage is a judgment by the Church that a marriage never happened in the first place.
This process is called annulment, and, far from being the Catholic version of divorce, an annulment is a decree by a competent Church tribunal that the couple was never married in the first place. In this case, both parties would be free to enter into a marriage with a different person. It is important to note that a certificate of divorce is not the same thing as an annulment. They are two very different things. Whether or not you have a legal divorce, you will still be considered a married woman or man in the eyes of the Church until you receive an annulment.
A more in-depth exploration of the reasons that a marriage might be judged invalid is here.
What Does The Bible Say About Divorce And Remarriage
The Bible is explicit about divorce and remarriage. In the Old Testament, Moses permitted a man to obtain a divorce on just about any grounds.
“If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance” .
Later on, in the New Testament, when Jesus was asked about divorce, He replied that Moses gave permission to divorce because of the hardness of their hearts. He said that in the beginning it was not this way. Jesus continued:
“Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?” So they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” .
Obviously, when a person who does not have biblical grounds for divorce remarries, he or she is technically committing adultery.
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Why Do People Remarry
Surprisingly, even though there are a lot of marriages that end in divorce, 80% of them would still consider marrying again. Some say that midlife crisis divorce and remarriage play a huge role in the decision to remarry as 67% of people who remarry are in the age of 55-64 years old.
Youd be curious to know that some of the most popular reasons why people choose to remarry include companionship and security, feeling of being complete and to satisfy emotional needs.
While some also seek to build a complete family, to have stability or just because they have fallen in love and wanted to try marriage again.
As we grow older, we no longer crave for romantic relationships, rather, we want to have a solid companion to be with us as we grow old, and thats why youd notice the peak of remarriage at the age of 55-64 years old.
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A The General Teaching Of The New Testamentis That Divorce Is Contrary To God’s Will And That Remarriagefollowing Divorce Constitutes Adultery
Note that there is one exception to this general rule, whichwe will discuss later. At this point we are discussing thegeneral rule. The following passages present this teaching:
Jesus was asked whether divorce can properly be obtained forjust any reason a person might have. He answered by appealing tothe original marriage law.
Jesus taught that divorce itself, in general, is contrary toGod’s will. God made one man for one woman, indicating He did notintend for either to marry anyone else. He said they shouldcleave to one another and the two become one -there is no room in God’s plan for a third party.God joins the man and woman, no human has the right to break thatbond.
Further, whoever divorces his wife and marries again commits adultery,and whoever marries her who has been divorced also commitsadultery.
To help understand the passage, read it with your name andyour spouse’s name, instead of “whosoever,” etc.
Matthew 19:9 – If ____________ divorces __________ , except for fornication, and marries another,_________________ commits adultery and whoever marries___________ commits adultery.”
One who puts away his wife causes her to commit adultery. This assumes that sheremarries as described in the last part of the verse and asimplied in the previous verse .
1 Corinthians 7:10,11
A married woman should not depart from her husband nor he fromher. Again, divorce itself is not the will of God.
Can A Woman Divorce Her Husband If He Commits Adultery
If your marriage isn’t considered valid and becomes annulled through the Church, then you become free to marry again following the unfaithfulness of your spouse. Every situation and relationship is unique and until you go through the annulment process, you won’t know whether or not you are free to marry.
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Does God Forgive Divorce
Will God forgive me if I get a divorce?
Will God punish me, or ignore my prayers if I get a divorce?
Can I get remarried if I had a divorce?
First, I want everyone to know that I do not condone divorce. In fact, if you are still married, and struggling, may I encourage you to watch my video on advice for Married Christians.
This video was created for people that are ALREADY divorced and perhaps struggling with how God may view them.
One of the most common questions asked by Christians is does God forgive divorce? and/or how does God respond to believers that have been divorced. Heres the biblical truth to these questions about divorce.
If you listen to most teachings, you may be thinking that God doesnt forgive divorce, or at the very least, that God will dole out some punishment if you were to get divorced. But neither is true, or even biblical.
Before I explain this, I want to give my typical disclosure, so I can cut off the angry punches at the start.
I do not condone divorce!
If youre married to a believing spouse then I firmly believe that Gods heart is that we remain married.
If you are considering divorce, I encourage you to seek counseling. See a pastor. See a trusting friend. Talk to each other. Do whatever it takes to save your marriage.
It is through our marriage that Christians show Christ to the world. We do this by living out our identity in Christ through our marriage.
God promises to never leave us and never forsake us. Romans 12: 18 tells us:
The Lord Doesnt Require Divorce But Desires Repentance And Reconciliation
We turn again to Paul in 1st Corinthians when he shares Jesus words on divorce and remarriage.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 To the married I give this command : A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
Just because Jesus and Paul permit divorce and there are certain situations where its not sinful to get divorced doesnt mean we should or have to get divorced. The Lord prefers for husbands and wives to stick it out through the tough times which will one day enrich the good times. Marriage is a covenant we make before God . Marriage is not a human institution, but a divine institution God has given all people that shows his commitment for his people.
Maybe Im naive but I believe that the gospel can save any marriage no matter how broken. Why do I believe this? Because the gospel saved Gods marriage. We believe in a God who has been divorced.
Jeremiah 3:8 I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear she also went out and committed adultery.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Any who repent of their sins and believe in Jesus Christ are part of this churchthe people of God. The Bible calls the church the bride of Christ .
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B Jesus’ Law Is A Whole Complete Unit
Those who are subject to Jesus’ authority , must be subject to the whole law.
James 2:8-12 – Like the Old Testament, the perfect law ofliberty is a “whole.” We must keep it all or standcondemned as transgressors .
Acts 3:22,23 – We must give heed to Jesus in all thingswhatever He says or we will be destroyed. This was spoken topeople who were not His disciples.
People outside the church are clearly subject to some ofChrist’s commands. Since the gospel is a wh whole system, theymust be subject to it all.
Alien sinners are obligated to obey the gospel commands tobelieve, repent, and be baptized . If people are notsubject to Jesus’ law, then how can they be held accountable forrefusing to believe, repent, and be baptized ? Butclearly all people are accountable to obey Jesus’ commands to beforgiven. But these commands are just part of His law which mustbe taken as a whole. Hence, those outside the church areaccountable to the whole system.
If Christ’s laws are not binding on people who are outside thechurch, then how could these people be guilty of sin? 1 John 3:4- Sin is transgression of God’s law . If peopleoutside the church are not subject to Jesus’ law, and Jesus’ lawis God’s law, then how did these people become sinners ?
What About Physical Abuse
The Bible doesnt address the issue of physical abuse as a potential justification for divorce, but it does say a variety of things that will be helpful to any pastor, elder, counselor or friend giving counsel to an abused person. The first thing that should be said is that physical abuse is a sin. The Bible commands a Christian to: Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness .
Husbands are told: Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered .
The Bible commands all Christians to be gentle in their dealings with one another, and it tells husbands to be understanding towards their wives and to treat them with special honour. Therefore all forms of physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse would be forbidden.
Physical abuse is a sin and should be named as such by pastors, elders and counselors.
Its also worth noting that the Bible disqualifies abusive men from serving in leadership positions within the church. In 1 Timothy 3 Paul says:
If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.
It is also against the law.
C Jesus’ Teaching Regarding Divorce Andremarriage Was Addressed To People In General Not Just To Hisdisciples
Matthew 19:3-9 – To whom did Jesus address theseinstructions?
Note whom He addressed.
V2 – He was speaking to great multitudes.
V3,4 – His teaching on divorce was an answer to a questionasked by Pharisees who were seeking to “try” Him.He addressed His answer “to them” . Clearly, theywere not His disciples but His enemies and opponents . .
V5 – He quoted Gen. 2:24 saying “a man“should leave father and mother and cleave to his wife .We will soon see that this is universal in application. Itincludes all people everywhere.
V9 – “Whosoever” shall put away his wife andmarry another commits adultery. NIV says “Anyone” who… ” Luke 16:18 in ASV and NASB says “Everyone that… ” .
V10-12 – Jesus discussed the issue of to whom thisteaching applied. He said there were exceptions to whom it didnot apply – eunuchs! Hence, the only exceptions to Jesus’ law ofdivorce and remarriage are unmarried people!
To those who say this is a “covenant” passage, I askwhat “covenant” people it is limited to.
The “whosoever” cannot be just Jews under the OldTestament covenant since Jesus clearly admits that His teachingis different from that of Moses. It cannot be just Christiansunder the gospel since the Pharisees, to whom Jesus spoke this,were not disciples. Hence it cannot be limited to any “covenant”people. It must be a universal application to all people.
Matthew 5:31,32 – To whom does this teaching apply?
“Whosoever” , “Every one … ” , “Anyone” .
The Bible Says That Love Overcomes Everything
The Bible teaches us in 1 Corinthians 13 that love lasts forever and endures everything . Those who truly love their spouse will not want to leave them under any circumstances. Because love is not focused on its own well being, but always on the good of the significant other!
Charity suffereth long, and is kind charity envieth not charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail whether there be tongues, they shall cease whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
If you follow Jesus example and always walk in love instead of minding your own good, any marriage should be better.
I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling One Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.
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Is It A Sin To Divorce
It will be a shocker for you to know that divorce has never been part of Gods will for man.
It is not part of his marriage plan.
For God, marriage has only one entry, and there is no exit at all. No backing out once you have entered into it.
Malachi 2:16 :For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: For one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: Therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
Look at the strong words that the bible used to describes Gods attitude towards divorce.
As far as God is concerned, hatred is never part of his nature.
He is a merciful and a loving father.
As a matter of fact, the bible says in 1 John 4:8, that God is love.
On very few occasions, the Bible tells us that God hates some things, and divorce is classified as one of them.
If you are still asking to know whether divorce is a sin, prophet Malachi has answered you already.
What do you call anything that God hates, sin of course.